The Onion Daily Dispatch - December 14, 2012

Fri Dec 14, 2012 www.theonion.com

Businessman Goes Home For The Holidays To Network With Family 12.13.12 NEW YORK—Emphasizing the importance of “developing contacts and getting your name out there,” sales coordinator Keith Elliott told reporters on Tuesday that he was traveling home to Ohio for the holidays to put in some solid networking t... News in Brief » Taylor Swift Now Dating Suri Cruise American Voices » 'Whitney Houston' Top Google Search Of 2012 “Wasn’t me. I already know all there is to know about Whitney Houston.” opinion » Ho, Ho, Ho! 9/11 Was An Inside Job! by Santa Claus By Santa Claus Radio News » Deadly New Virus Found To Be 'Real Squiggly'

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 A priest, a rabbi, and a minister will walk into a bar this week, order three stiff drinks, and break down crying in one of the most depressing jokes you’ve ever heard. Most Popular » Mumford And Sons Can't Believe They All Got Each Other Mandolins For Christmas 'The Hobbit' To Feature 53-Minute-Long Scene Of Bilbo Baggins Trying To Figure Out What To Pack Study Finds Millennial Generation Stays On Phone With Parents Throughout Entire Day 'Whitney Houston' Top Google Search Of 2012 Man Who Will Die In Great Eastern Seaboard Flood Of 2023 Preparing For Mayan Apocalypse Guys With Boring Jobs Really Hitting It Off A Few Rows Back On Airplane

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