Analyst: Oprah's OWN Could Lose $142.9 Million This Year

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Academy Names Heather Cochran and Bill Kramer to New Museum Posts

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THR Poll: 9 out of 10 Call Social Media New Form of Entertainment; Young People Want Texting in Movies

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The Onion Daily Dispatch - March 21, 2012

Wed Mar 21, 2012 www.theonion.com

U.S. Citizen Resigns After Making Controversial Remark About Country 03.21.12 MATTOON, IL—Ending the firestorm of controversy that erupted after he made a highly critical comment about the United States, 43-year-old hardware store employee Keith Nellson bowed to public pressure Wednesday and announced he would be stepping dow... News in Brief » Your Dog Died American Voices » Wendy's Surpasses Burger King "Burger King needs to up their game. Have they thought of offering French fries?" opinion » Sometimes I Feel Like I’m The Only One Who Gives A Shit About Rich, Lustrous Hair by Marcus Russo , President and CEO, Pantene By Marcus Russo, President and CEO, Pantene Radio News » Long-Lost Jules Verne Short Story ‘The Camera Phone’ Found

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You will finally be reunited with your family when a sudden mudslide exposes their long-buried station wagon. Most Popular » U.S. Citizen Resigns After Making Controversial Remark About Country Wendy's Surpasses Burger King Atheists Unbless Florida Road Panicked Redskins Send Another Couple First-Round Picks To St. Louis Just To Make Sure Residents Of Indiana Join Together To Form Collective Consciousness Still Some Nutella Left In Jar, Reports Depression

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Dem senator dreams of Hillary '16; Tebow trade hits a snag; Kony filmmaker's 'psychosis'; the French standoff; and more.

The Slatest: March 21, 2012 Senate Dem Says She'll Push Hillary to Run in 2016 Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand: "She's proven she's someone who can get things done." READ FULL STORY New Studies Suggest Daily Aspirin May Cut Cancer Risk The results will likely add to the existing debate about drug, which can also lead to a higher risk of internal bleeding. READ FULL STORY Kony Filmmaker Suffered From "Reactive Psychosis," Family Says  The statement echoes supporters previous explanation for his apparent breakdown last week. READ FULL STORY Police In Standoff With Jewish School Shooting Suspect French media have identified the suspect as Mohammad Merah, a self-described "Islamist." READ FULL STORY Trade to Send Tebow to New York Hits Snag The former Denver quarterback may not be heading to the Jets after all. READ FULL STORY Most Virginians Disapprove of New Ultrasound Law Poll suggests that the mandate is actually more unpopular with men than women. READ FULL STORY Jeb Bush Endorses Romney The GOP front-runner earns the backing of an establishment favorite. READ FULL STORY U.S. Warns North Korea Over Planned Rocket Launch State Dept. threatens to cancel planned food aid if the reclusive nation doesn't back down. READ FULL STORY Romney Continues To Grow Fundraising Advantage The front-runner has nearly three times as much cash on hand than his nearest rival. READ FULL STORY NYPD Ousts OWS From New Location Hundreds were forced to leave after attempting to take over Union Square Park. READ FULL STORY China, Russia Agree to Weakened U.N. Statement on Syria The nations signed off on the non-binding resolution but only after stripping out ultimatums. READ FULL STORY Judge Forces Texas Educators to Apologize to Agnostic Family A federal judge issued what he called a "non-Kumbaya" order in hopes of settling the dispute. READ FULL STORY Kraft's Snack Spinoff to Carry New Name The move is the company's latest step in its global push. READ FULL STORY Advertisement From Slate: Rick Santorum Is Running a Campaign That Does No Polling. How Has He Survived Without It? Stop Calling Newt Gingrich "Mr. Speaker" Is America's Love Affair With the McMansion Over? Slate's Handy Guide To Which Kinds of Storytellers Get To Make Up Their Facts Paul Ryan's Plan To Eliminate All the Nonhealth, Nonmilitary Parts of the Government Will the Gators Chomp the Tigers? Round 2 of Slate's NCAA Mascot Death Match Where Do All Those Crazy Names in The Hunger Games Come From? My Roommate Steals Tubs of Butter in the Night More from The Slatest: Senate Dem Says She'll Push Hillary to Run in 2016 Trade to Send Tebow to New York Hits Snag New Studies Suggest Daily Aspirin May Cut Cancer Risk Kraft's Snack Spinoff to Carry New Name Most Virginians Disapprove of New Ultrasound Law Obama to Visit Korean Demilitarized Zone' Police In Standoff With Jewish School Shooting Suspect Kony Filmmaker Suffered From "Reactive Psychosis," Family Says' NYPD Ousts OWS From New Location China, Russia Agree to Weakened U.N. Statement on Syria

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