Onion Video Dispatch - September 28, 2012

Fri Sep 28, 2012 www.theonion.com

Scientology Minister Accused Of Molesting Thetans 09.27.12 The Church of Scientology plunged into scandal Thursday when Frank D. Linehan, a prominent minister who has helped thousands of parishioners move up the Bridge to Total Freedom and achieve Clear, was arrested on 471 charges of molesting alien thetans. WATCH NOW » Featured Videos Florida To Experiment With New 600-Lever Voting Machines WATCH NOW » Reporter Steps In To Replace Woman's Missing Husband WATCH NOW » If you do not want to receive anymore emails from us, please click the following link unsubscribe. To unsubscribe via postal mail please send your request to: 536 Broadway New York NY, 10012 Please include the email address at which you have been contacted. All of our emails are sent from the domain http://www.theonion.com.

If you do not want to receive anymore emails from us, please click the following link unsubscribe. To unsubscribe via postal mail please send your request to: 536 Broadway New York NY, 10012 Please include the email address at which you have been contacted. All of our emails are sent from the domain http://www.theonion.com.

BuzzFeed Sports: The Greatest Moment Of The NFL Season So Far And More!

The Greatest Moment Of The NFL Season So Far Our long national nightmare is finally over! NBA 2K13 Unveils The Brooklyn Nets New Uniforms And even with Jay-Z reportedly advising the design, they are super boring. Why The Ryder Cup Is The One Golf Tournament You Have To Watch All the jingoism and excitement of the Olympics, but with funnier outfits. Refs Aside, The NFL Season Has Still Been Pretty Lame Stars are underachieving, there aren't any great teams, and everything just seems unsettled. Flopping: It's Not Just For Basketball And Soccer Anymore Last night we witnessed what may be the most blatant flop in NFL history. Anderson Varejao would be so proud. Bubba Watson Is A Real-Life Version Of Happy Gilmore Which makes Rory McIlroy Shooter McGavin. The First Day Of The Ryder Cup In One Glorious GIF Score one for the home team. More on BuzzFeed Sports › Follow us on Twitter Favorite us on Facebook Subscribe to our RSS Feed Check These Out: Advertise on BuzzFeed Question? Check the FAQ Not interested in receiving these emails? Unsubscribe here. BuzzFeed Inc. | 54 W. 21st St, 11th Floor | New York, NY 10010

BuzzFeed Shift: Can You Tell A Woman's Politics By Looking At Her Face? And More!

Can You Tell A Woman's Politics By Looking At Her Face? Scientists call it the "Michelle Bachmann Effect." Test yourself below. 56 Ways To Decorate With Washi Tape In case you were unaware, washi tape is decorative Japanese tape that crafters are completely OBSESSED with. It also has a magic power that makes everything it's stuck to the most adorable thing in the world. What Happens When You Put A Bunch Of Sheep In The Middle Of Manhattan? PETA protests, men show up to knit things, and the cute sheep get bored and fall asleep. James Bond's Very Tight Swimming Trunks Are For Sale Daniel Craig wore them. And now they could be yours, for just a few thousand dollars. 15 People Who Think J.K. Rowling's Racy New Book Has Ruined Their Childhood The Harry Potter author's new book for adults, The Casual Vacancy, includes sex scenes and a lot of curse words. In other words: CHILDHOOD = RUINED. What Google Can Teach Us About Women Women should not wear pants, but can wear hats indoors, according to Google autocomplete. 12 Kinds Of Mugshots You Can Find On Pinterest Mugshots, from real criminals to Barbie, appear to be a bit of a pinboard favorite. More on BuzzFeed Shift › Follow us on Twitter Favorite us on Facebook Subscribe to our RSS Feed Check These Out: Advertise on BuzzFeed Question? Check the FAQ Not interested in receiving these emails? Unsubscribe here. BuzzFeed Inc. | 54 W. 21st St, 11th Floor | New York, NY 10010

BuzzFeed FWD: Why Instagram Made Its App Worse And More!

Why Instagram Made Its App Worse The headline feature of Instagram 2.0 disappeared from the latest version of the app for iPhone 5. And it's not coming back. Apple Officially Apologizes For Ruining iPhone Maps In an exceedingly rare apology from the company, Apple CEO Tim Cook admitted it "fell short," and even recommended alternative apps. How To Not Answer Text Messages Like A Very Angry Person It's harder than it seems, apparently? The Anti-Facebook Mask Be invisible. Or, at least, fool Facebook for Halloween. The REAL Best Thing About The New iPhone You can clone yourself! Or your friends. Introducing the Human Panoramapede. What Google Can Teach Us About Women Women should not wear pants, but can wear hats indoors, according to Google autocomplete. More on BuzzFeed FWD › Follow us on Twitter Favorite us on Facebook Subscribe to our RSS Feed Check These Out: Advertise on BuzzFeed Question? Check the FAQ Not interested in receiving these emails? Unsubscribe here. BuzzFeed Inc. | 54 W. 21st St, 11th Floor | New York, NY 10010

Daily Investor Briefing: Wall Street posts best third quarter...

	Click to View in Browser 09/28/2012 Wall Street posts best third quarter since 2010 NEW YORK (Reuters) - Wall Street closed its best third quarter since 2010 after a wave of central bank actions sparked a dramatic reversal in equity markets, but signs of weakness in the economy on Friday pushed stocks lower. Pricey gasoline hits U.S. consumers, weighs on growth WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. households stretched to pay for costlier gasoline on meager income growth in August, undercutting spending on other items and pointing to lackluster economic growth. Samsung wins reconsideration of Galaxy Tab sales ban SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - A U.S. appeals court ruled on Friday that a lower court should reconsider a sales ban against Samsung's Galaxy Tab 10.1 won by Apple in a patent dispute with the South Korean electronics maker. UBS wins dismissal of shareholder lawsuit (Reuters) - UBS AG won the dismissal Friday of a shareholder lawsuit accusing the Swiss-based bank of misrepresenting its exposure to mortgage-backed securities and its compliance with U.S. tax laws. Long toxic, mortgages now seen boosting U.S. bank results (Reuters) - One of the few businesses working well for the biggest banks these days is the same one that got them in trouble just five years ago: mortgages. What mining slump? At Vegas show, industry's glass is half full LAS VEGAS (Reuters) - Caterpillar Inc , Komatsu Ltd and other mining industry suppliers put on a brave face at a major industry conference this week, trying to stare down plunging commodity prices and shrinking mining budgets. Commerzbank says cooperating on probe of ex-IRS examiner WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Germany's Commerzbank said on Friday it was cooperating with U.S. prosecutors in a case involving a bank employee charged with conflict-of-interest violations and exposing an Internal Revenue Service whistleblower. Xstrata haggles over management as Glencore deadline nears LONDON (Reuters) - Xstrata's directors, facing a Monday deadline to deliver their verdict on Glencore's $32 billion bid, are hammering out a deal they hope will ensure the miner retains control of the combined group's board, even after the exit of its veteran boss. Exclusive: Codelco to seek to cut 2013 copper premiums to Asia by about $5 - source SANTIAGO (Reuters) - Codelco, the world's No.1 copper producer, will seek to reduce 2013 physical copper premiums to Asian buyers by about $5, while its European rate will likely be held or trimmed by a smaller amount, a source linked to the company told Reuters. Ex-analyst at unit of Cohen's SAC Capital admits insider trading NEW YORK (Reuters) - A former analyst at a division of SAC Capital, the hedge fund founded by Steven Cohen, on Friday pleaded guilty to charges of insider trading and agreed to cooperate with U.S. prosecutors in an investigation of what they say was a $62 million scheme. Related Video Spain's banks may need 59.3 bln euros Breakingviews: iSorry Related News How to invest in prosperity after a Lost Decade Pricey gasoline hits U.S. consumers, weighs on growth A daily digest of breaking business news, coverage of the US economy, major corporate news and the financial markets. Register Today   The latest Reuters articles on M&A, IPOs, private equity, hedge funds and regulatory updates delivered to your inbox each day. Register Today   » MORE NEWSLETTERS - 3 Times Square New York, NY 10036 USA © Copyright 2010 Thomson Reuters Ensure delivery of Reuters Newsmails, add mail@nl.reuters.com to your address book. Details Subscribe to other Reuters newsletters. Unsubscribe from this newsletter. Follow us on Twitter Friend us on Facebook Forward to a friend