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Monday, April 16, 2012

Top Stories from the last 24 hours


Hi David,

These are the top stories from The Next Web over the last 24 hours.

See you at The Next Web Conference (April 26-27) in Amsterdam? We're taking it to the next level!

The Next Web

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Fill Out This One-Minute Form Every Day and Find Out Why Your Life Sucks (or Doesn't)

April 16th, 2012Top Story

Fill Out This One-Minute Form Every Day and Find Out Why Your Life Sucks (or Doesn't)

By Adam Dachis

Fill Out This One-Minute Form Every Day and Find Out Why Your Life Sucks (or Doesn't)Click to view Ever wonder why you're having a bad day, or even a good one? Is there an ongoing problem in your life that you just can figure out? If you've got a free minute, just fill out this daily form to help you diagnose the problem by analyzing how you think, act, and feel.

The aggregate of your moods from day to day is, to a large degree, your life. Whether you've had too many bad days in a row or you just want a better handle on what exactly makes your moods swing (for better or worse), this post's for you.

Over time I've noticed that I'm at my worst when I don't eat. Hunger makes me an awful person to be around more than a lack of sleep or any other problem. A lack of food isn't the only reason I have bad days (or moments), however, but figuring out every problematic action in a particular day isn't exactly an easy thing to do. I realized I'd need a personal inventory—so I created one. I put together a form in Google Docs that asks a bunch of questions about basic issues that come up on a regular basis. This includes things like diet, exercise, sleep, and happiness in a variety of areas. It takes about a minute to fill out each day, and when you're done the data is saved in a spreadsheet that automatically takes the daily data and calculates a variety of scores. These scores, plus accompanying graphs, can give you a quick look at what you're doing right in life and where you can improve. This way you don't have to try and pay attention to everything you do—which is basically impossible—and can let this form figure out your problems for you. In this post we'll go over how to set up the form for yourself and what each score means.

Watch the video above for a demonstration, or read on for a full written overview and setup instructions.

How to Set Up the Daily Personal Inventory Form

Fill Out This One-Minute Form Every Day and Find Out Why Your Life Sucks (or Doesn't)Before you can get started, you'll need a Google Docs account because that's where this form lives. If you've got one, sign in. If you don't, sign up. Once you're all set, just follow these steps to set up the form for use:

  1. Visit the Daily Personal Inventory Form. Note: The form is being displayed in "simple" mode right now due to high demand; we've emailed Google and hopefully this can be fixed soon. In the meantime, try these mirrors: 2, 3, 4. You can also download it as an Excel file but you'll miss out on the form functionality and some things may not transfer perfectly.
  2. You will not be able to edit it since this is the template that everybody starts with. Go to the File menu and choose "Make a copy..."
  3. Name the copy whatever you want. When you've chosen a name, click "OK" and the copied spreadsheet will open in a new tab/window. The spreadsheet, by default, will have three rows: the title row, the score row, and any empty row. It's very important that you do not delete any of these or your data won't be calculated properly.
  4. Go to the Form menu and choose "Go to live form." A new tab/window will appear with the Daily Personal Inventory Form. You'll want to bookmark this page because it's what you'll be filling out every day. Fill it out one time and press submit when you're finished.
  5. Go back to the tab/window with your spreadsheet in it and you'll see a new row has been added with relevant data. You'll also see that the Score row in the spreadsheet has numbers (rather than errors) in it. These scores will change as you add more data each day, and we'll go over what they mean later on in this post.

That's all you have to do to get started. Before we move on, however, let's visit the other pages of the spreadsheet just to make sure they're working. Towards the bottom-left corner of the spreadsheet you'll see three tabs: Daily Inventory Data (the tab you're probably on right now), Score Card, and Score Card Graph. Click through each of those tabs and make sure the Score Card is filled with numbers (and not DIV#0 errors) and hte Score Card Graph looks like a graph (and not a blank white page). If everything looks good, you set up the form correctly. If not, you may want to read through these steps again and make sure you didn't miss something.

Assuming you've made it through the setup process, read on to learn what your scores mean.

Analyzing Your Inventory Scores

Your inventory scores are pretty straightforward. All scores are out of 100 and they break down much like a traditional grading system:

  • 90 and Above: Excellent
  • 80-89: Great
  • 70-79: Good/Average
  • 60-69: Poor
  • 40-59: Fail
  • 39 and Below: Epic Fail

In general, you want to aim for a score of 75 or higher in every category. If you can manage that, you're doing pretty well. If not, you'll want to think about how you can improve in any relevant category. That's pretty much all you need to know to use this form, but if you want to learn more about how it works and how to make changes to better suit your needs, read on. (Warning: the need for some basic math and spreadsheet knowledge will be required!)

Individual Category Scores

Fill Out This One-Minute Form Every Day and Find Out Why Your Life Sucks (or Doesn't)Each category in the spreadsheet gets a score assigned to it based on a few factors. On the "Daily Inventory Data" page, the second row (below the titles) provides a score for each specific category. Every score is out of 100 and is generally calculated by averaging your daily scores and comparing them to the highest possible score you could've earned. For example, if you filled out the form 5 times and rated your day a 3 each time, that means you'd earn 15 out of 25 possible points, resulting in a score of 60. Some scores are slightly more complex as they're not based on a simple 1 to 5 rating. For example, the form expects that you'll sleep 8 hours per night. As a result, you'll earn a perfect sleep hour score if you always sleep 8 hours. If you require more or less sleep to feel rested on a regular basis, you'll want to change how this score is calculated so it fits you better. You can do this easily by clicking on the score in the spreadsheet and looking at the current equation in the Google Docs function bar. It'll look like this:

=ROUND((SUM(D3:D)/COUNTA(D3:D)/8)*100)

The part you want to pay attention to is the number 8. Change that to how long you need to sleep to feel rested and your sleep hour score will adjust as a result. Other categories assume certain averages as well. For example, you're expected to drink eight glasses of water per day and exercise for 15 minutes per day (or any combination of time that adds up to 105 minutes per week). Feel free to adjust these averages as you wish, or just leave the defaults.

Score Card Scores

The Score Card, or the second page of the spreadsheet, calculates scores based on your overall performance in select categories. Here's a look at what each score means and what affects it.

Fill Out This One-Minute Form Every Day and Find Out Why Your Life Sucks (or Doesn't)

Eating Score
This score is determined by how often you eat all three meals per day. So long as you remember to eat them all every day, your score will be perfect. If not, it'll drop. This should be an easy score to keep high.

Drinking Score
This score is determined by the average number of glasses of water you drink each day. If you get in your 64 oz. of water you'll earn a perfect score. (Note: If you don't believe 64 oz. of water per day is the proper amount, you should change this equation to reflect how many glasses of water you believe is required. The section above explains how to do this.)

Healthy Eating Score
This score is determined by how healthy your meals are on average. Healthier eating earns you a higher score.

Overall Diet Score
Your overall diet score is an average of all the aforementioned scores (meaning if you eat, if you drank enough water, and how healthy your meals were).

Sleep Score
This score is determined by how well and how long you slept. If you wake up often during the night, this score will drop quickly.

Exercise Score
The exercise score considers how frequently your exercise and for how long.

Emotional Score
Your emotional score is determined by how you rated the way you felt on a regular basis.

Procrastination Score
Your procrastination score is determined by how rarely you procrastinate.

Average Score
Your average score is the average of every category score.

Physical Average
The physical average only takes into account body-related aspects in the daily inventory and ignores your emotional state. You'll want to compare this number to your emotional score on a regular basis. In general, they should match up pretty evenly because how your body feels should be pretty close to how you feel in general. If they're pretty disparate, you might want to consider why that is. For example, if you're feeling unhappy but your overall physical well-being is quite good, you'll want to take some time to figure out what internal and external forces are making you feel bad.

The Score Card Graph

Fill Out This One-Minute Form Every Day and Find Out Why Your Life Sucks (or Doesn't)The Score Card Graph is just a graphical representation of the Score Card page. It's often easier to see where you stand with the graph so you'll probably find yourself looking more at it than the numerical score card. This is just a general overview, however, so if you want more statistics you have a couple of options. First, you can take any of the data in either of the spreadsheet pages and create a graph of your own. Second, you can go to the Form menu and choose "Show summary of responses." This will bring up an analysis of your answers for each individual question and provides a great visual representation of your responses.

Taking Your Personal Inventory Further

This personal inventory is just a set of broad questions to give you a basic understanding of possible problems in your life. It's not meant to be specific to anyone, so you may find that you want to add more questions to the form to collect data that is directly relevant to your life. To do that, just go to the Form menu and choose "Edit form." From there you can add questions and alter existing ones to make the daily inventory one that suits you perfectly.

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Fake Gamer of the Week: Enthusiastic Guy With Incredibly Supportive Girlfriend

April 16th, 2012Top Story

Fake Gamer of the Week: Enthusiastic Guy With Incredibly Supportive Girlfriend

By Kirk Hamilton
Fake Gamer of the Week: Enthusiastic Guy With Incredibly Supportive GirlfriendI can't help but admire you, Enthusiastic Guy With Incredibly Supportive Girlfriend. You've really got it going on: great hair, winning smile, clearly very handsome despite your thick designer glasses, nicely chosen prep shirt.

You're loving life; you're playing video games and having fun doing it. And your hot girlfriend supports you. Look at her there, cheering your every victory from just behind you, mouth open in an expression of pre-orgasmic celebration.

So, and I mean this phrase with all of the nuance it can possibly carry: good for you, Enthusiastic Guy With Incredibly Supportive Girlfriend. Good for fucking you.

Sometimes when I browse the collected work of a given stock-photo photographer, I'll come across the same models in different poses. I feel like I come to know the other sides of their fake lives, various bullshit moments encapsulated in as iconic and phony a way possible. Each new picture tells a little story.

As it turns out, Enthusiastic Guy With Incredibly Supportive Girlfriend sometimes hangs out with his Incredibly Supportive Girlfriend and does stuff other than enthusiastically play video games.

Sometimes, they encourage their friends to be kind and promote world peace:


Sometimes they share delightful secrets:


And sometimes, they just hang out on the grass and cuddle up with a guitar:


Hey wait a second… that's not Incredibly Supportive Girlfriend! That looks like some other girl!

I guess it turns out Enthusiastic Guy With Incredibly Supportive Girlfriend is two-timing his Incredibly Supportive Girlfriend. She is going to be so pissed when she finds out.

"Now that we're both dressed as waiters, I can tell you that I know about you and that WHORE YOU'RE FUCKING."

Aww, too bad Enthusiastic Guy With Incredibly Supportive Girlfriend Pissed-Off Ex-Girlfriend.

I guess now you'll have to play all your video games alone.

And lose.


Ha ha, motherfucker.

(Photo credit | Sergey Furtaev/Shutterstock)
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'Small Girl Big Mouth': A Girls Recap

April 16th, 2012Top Story

'Small Girl Big Mouth': A Girls Recap

By John Cook

'Small Girl Big Mouth': A Girls RecapToday is Ian MacKaye's 50th birthday so I guess it's as good a time as any to realize you hate young people. Girls is a television program about the children of wealthy famous people and shitty music and Facebook and how hard it is to know who you are and Thought Catalog and sexually transmitted diseases and the exhaustion of ceaselessly dramatizing your own life while posing as someone who understands the fundamental emptiness and narcissism of that very self-dramatization. This is a recap of it.

There is only one take on Girls that matters, and that is Kenny Powers'. A pointed critique of the show was embedded in Eastbound & Down's season finale last night, when Powers burst into his college-age girlfriend's class to dump her in front of her classmates:

I know a lot of you guys are looking at me and saying, "Hey, there's a dude who is exactly my same age." But truth be told, I'm a grown-up real person. Sure, your bodies might be tight, and you might like to have sex in amazing, cool, intricate positions. But besides that shit, y'all don't have a fucking clue. The shit you all are doing—the fucking Facebook shit, the internets, the fucking DVDs—that's all bullshit. Your shit isn't real. But from where I'm standing, a full-grown man who has achieved his dreams—yeah that's right, I'm going back to the majors—my shit is about as real as it gets. Besides, I can out-party, out-drink, and out-fuck each of you. Youth can suck my dick. So unless you have anything to add, I consider this relationship over. Have a nice life. I'll never for get you, and I know you'll never forget me. Cause I popped that cherry.

Laurie Simmons' daughter is a 24-year-old intern at a publishing house or literary agency or somesuch. She is writing a memoir but is also aware of the silliness of a 24-year-old writing a memoir, because she is just that self-aware. Her parents give her money. Over dinner on a visit to New York, where Laurie Simmons' daughter lives, they tell her they are going to stop giving her money. A crisis is introduced.

What is Laurie Simmons' daughter to do? People need money. Laurie Simmons' daughter's best friend is Brian Williams' daughter. She is uptight, pretty, straight-laced, and has a boyfriend who's just too nice and loving. She wears a retainer when she sleeps, symbolically. Laurie Simmons' daughter says Brian Williams' daughter's boyfriend "has a vagina," a notion that isn't at all hackneyed and retrograde when it's uttered by a self-aware 24-year-old girl who has tattoos of illustrations from children's books all over her body.

Brian Williams' daughter thinks Laurie Simmons' daughter should just buckle down and get a job, responsibly. The program heavily foreshadows the likelihood that Brian Williams' daughter will learn an important lesson about uptightness when she finds the right guy to fuck her the right way, a not at all hackneyed and retrograde notion when promulgated by a self-aware writer who has tattoos of illustrations from children's books all over her body.

That fucking MGMT song is playing.

Laurie Simmons' daughter's other best friend is The Drummer From Bad Company's daughter. The Drummer From Bad Company's daughter is a globe-trotting free spirit who got pregnant by some surfer and wears flowing dresses (batik?). She just blew into town from France.

The Drummer from Bad Company's daughter is staying with David Mamet's daughter, a comically overbroad character imported (knowingly? ironically?) from another sitcom. She loves Sex and the City (GET IT?) and wears pink Juicy Couture-style outfits. Is her father proud of her?

Everyone's sentences begin with "OK" or "Yeah, so" or "Yo, hey. Yeah, no."

Laurie Simmons' daughter goes to her boss at the publishing house or literary agency and explains that she needs money. He fires her. She goes to meet a guy she sleeps with, a hunky shirtless abusive woodworking actor who hates his parents. He tries to insert his penis into her rectum. She objects. He inserts his penis into her vagina. She talks about how it's getting dark later. He asks her to stop talking.

Facebook texting Twitter Gchat Gchat Gchat smart phones.

The Drummer from Bad Company's daughter thinks Laurie Simmons' daughter should just go back to her parents and explain to them that she is an artist. She fights with Brian Williams' daughter: "You can't just mother her like this." Brian Williams' daughter and the Drummer from Bad Company's daughter have a heart to heart while the Drummer from Bad Company's daughter is on the toilet (shitting?).

Yo hey. Yeah no.

YES OF COURSE THERE'S A FUCKING FEIST SONG.

Brian Williams' daughter throws a dinner party, like a grown-up. Someone brings opium tea. The guy who brought the opium tea listens to Laurie Simmons' daughter complaining about not having a job and says, "I'm sorry but watching this is like watching Clueless," which is a thing someone must have actually said to Judd Apatow at some point.

Laurie Simmons' daughter thinks she's high on opium tea but can you really get high on opium tea? She confronts her parents at their hotel room, making them read her book and demanding $1,100 per month for two years while she finishes it. THE BOOK IS THE TELEVISION SHOW, RIGHT? Laurie Simmons' daughter's mother tells her, "Why don't you get a job and start a blog? You are so spoiled!"

Laurie Simmons' daughter passes out from the opium tea. When she wakes up in the hotel room, her parents are gone. She tries to order room service but they've closed out the room. On the way out, she steals the tip her parents left for the maid.

She walks out of the hotel into the New York morning. A song by Paul Simon's son is playing. A magical jolly homeless black man stops her on the street to say, "Why don't you smile? Does your heart hurt? Oh girl when I look at you I just want to say Hello New York!" This magical jolly homeless black man will appear at the end of every episode, saying something wise and innocent. It will be like a tag. Skrillex.

Watch this space for next week's recap of Girls.

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