|
A destination on the Interweb to brighten your day (now get back to work!)
Monday, September 17, 2012
The Onion Daily Dispatch - September 17, 2012
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
If you do not want to receive anymore emails from us, please click the following link unsubscribe. To unsubscribe via postal mail please send your request to: 536 Broadway New York NY, 10012 Please include the email address at which you have been contacted. All of our emails are sent from the domain http://www.theonion.com. |
How to Automatically Download Virtually Anything as Soon as It's Available
September 17th, 2012Top StoryHow to Automatically Download Virtually Anything as Soon as It's AvailableThe internet really does have everything, and it's all available for download without lifting a finger. A series of helpful scripts, all installable in a few minutes, can transform your computer into an automatic media downloading machine. We've featured all sorts of automatic downloaders that grab TV shows after they air and movies as soon as they're released, but you don't have to stop there. You can schedule music, comic books, video games, and practically anything else as a download with minimal effort. In this post, we'll look at how to set up existing scripts to acquire all kinds of media and use a tool called FlexGet to handle the rest. Before You Get StartedAll the tools in this guide work with BitTorrent, which you should set up securely before you do anything else. If you want to use Usenet instead, however, you'll need to set up SABnzbd+ for everything to work properly. If you choose the Usenet and SABnzbd+ route, you'll need a few things:
With all of that ready to go, it's time to get started. TelevisionYour computer can act like an internet personal video recorder, downloading TV episodes as soon as they air, thanks to the assistance of an app called Sick Beard. You simply install it, tell it the shows you want to track, how you want to download those shows (via either BitTorrent or Usenet), and let it do the rest. Follow these steps to install it: On a Windows PC...
On a Mac...
Once Sick Beard is up and running, point your web browser of choice to localhost:8081 to get started. Sick Beard is a powerful tool and it requires some configuration. Before you start adding your favorite shows, hop into the config section and set up the following:
After completing the initial setup, add the TV shows you want to track from Sick Beard's interface. If you need help adding shows, as the process is a little confusing the first time around, consult our complete Sick Beard guide. MoviesCouch Potato keeps track of all the films you want to watch, and downloads them, too. Installation is easy on both Windows and OS X:
With Couch Potato open in your web browser, click the Cog icon up top to get it set up. Here's an overview of each tab and what you can set up:
The other sections are not required, but feel free to explore to discover more of Couch Potato's features. Once you're done with the configuration, use the toolbar up top to search for a movie, select the desired quality (e.g. 720p, DVD-Rip, etc.), and add it to your watch list. Repeat this process for any movie you want to track (and download). Couch Potato will take care of the rest. MusicTracking new releases of your favorite music, automatically downloading songs, and converting those songs into your format of preference is really easy with a tool called Headphones. It can even pull lyrics and album art for the songs it downloads. Follow these steps to install it:
Headphones is very feature rich and comprehensive, but you only need to configure a few settings to get started. Click the cog icon up top and set up the following sections:
Once you've finished configuring Headphones, just search for the band you want to track using the toolbar up top. When you find what you want, add the band to your watch list and Headphones will track them. Repeat this process for all the bands you like. Everything ElseYou don't have to stop with television, movies, and music. A few other downloaders are at your disposal:
If that list doesn't cover everything you need, FlexGet provides a way to make your own, custom downloaders. It reads RSS feeds, CSV files, and HTML pages to find torrents, NZBs, podcasts, or whatever you're looking for, and feeds them to any downloaders that have watch directory support. This includes rTorrent, uTorrent, Transmission, sabNZBD+, nzbget, pyLoad, and more. All you're required to do is install it, tell it where to look, what to look for, and what to do with the files it finds. The installation process varies, so follow the instructions for your operating system. On a Windows PC...
On a Mac (OS X 10.6 and higher)...
FlexGet isn't useful unless you give it something to do. The app works with specific tasks written in YAML, which is a very simple, human-readable data format. Let's take a look at a sample FlexGet config file written in YAML (config.yml) to help you understand how it works: tasks: The first line says "test task:" to identify that this is a task called "test." The second line identifies an RSS feed for FlexGet to monitor. Next, a list of series tells FlexGet what to look for inside of that RSS feed. In the case of "Another Good Show," you'll notice that "quality: 720p" is designated to tell FlexGet to only look for 720p files for that show. Finally, a download directory on the local machine is specified. Any files that match the criteria specified in this task will be placed in that directory, which is watched by a downloader (such as SABnzbd+ or uTorrent). The format is pretty simple to follow, but it will vary based on what you want to create. We can't get into every little option without writing an entire manual, and the creators of FlexGet already made one. Be sure to consult those configuration instructions for more help on creating your own config.yml file for FlexGet to use. After completing your task file, save it as config.yml file in C:\Users\YOURUSER\flexget\ in Windows 7, C:\Documents and Settings\YOURUSER\flexget\ in Windows XP, or ~/.flexget/ in OS X. To run any of the specified tasks, open up the command line in your operating system of choice and run the following command: flexget —nameOfTask You will, of course, want to replace "nameOfTask" with the name of a task in your config.yml file. If you set up everything properly, that task will run and you'll have your own, custom automatic downloader! Extra bonus: Want to get all of this on your NAS? We've got a guide for that, too! Icons by Katsiaryna (Shutterstock). |
|
Candy Corn Oreos and Pumpkin Spice Kisses: It's the Snacktaku Halloween Variety Spooktacular!
September 17th, 2012Top StoryCandy Corn Oreos and Pumpkin Spice Kisses: It's the Snacktaku Halloween Variety Spooktacular! For the children and children-at-heart that don fancy costumes for a night of fun and frolicking, Halloween is October 31. For the certified snack professional, the spooky festivities begin in September, when Cadbury, Mars, Hershey and Nabisco roll out their holiday-themed candy. Hold out your bags, boys and girls. Some snack manufacturers play it safe during the holidays, releasing the same old product in themed packaging. Sometimes, if they're feeling adventurous, they'll change the color of their confections, or re-mold them into holiday appropriate shapes. People buy them and eat them with nary a thought, safe in the knowledge that beneath the dark and twisted exterior lies the same taste and texture they're used to. For the brave men and women of Hershey, Mars, Nabisco and Cadbury, that's just not good enough. Capturing the look of Halloween is something a young child can do with little effort. Evoking the holiday through taste — that's a real accomplishment, and it's one that several of these products achieve. Kicking my meal plan in the ass for the sake of my work, I purchased these goodies at my local Target store, brought them home, and then ate a fairly good amount of them, just so I can tell you if it's worth doing. Let's go down the list in reverse-scrambled alphabetical order. M&M's White Chocolate Candy CornHaving lived nearly 40 years with milk chocolate M&M's, I have a hard time accepting a white chocolate variety regardless of its seasonal flavor.
I have nothing against white chocolate, known among snackology circles as "not actually chocolate at all". During the process that normally results in the dark, antioxidant-rich chocolate the fatty parts — cocoa butter — are separated from the darker solids. In actual chocolate, these two are recombined later in the process. White chocolate is just the butter portion without the dark bits, so, not chocolate. And not what I look for on the inside of an M&M. The favor, tinged with a hint of what tastes like maple in order to evoke a candy corn taste, is not unpleasant. It's rich, lovely and milky. It's just not the flavor my mouth is expecting beneath a colorful candy shell. Every buy a strawberry jelly doughnut and have the people behind the counter accidentally give you lemon-filled? It's the same phenomenon. It's still a fine taste, but your mouth was not prepared. Milky Way Caramel AppleMy favorite sweet flavor combination used to be chocolate and raspberry. In fact, a container of chocolate raspberry truffle ice cream was instrumental in the wooing of the woman that would eventually become the mother of my children, so that particular combo will always hold a special place in my heart. Now that I'm older, however, my tastes have mellowed. Now I'm more of a caramel apple man, savoring the marriage of burnt sweetness and tartness that you get when you pour melted sugar over the fibrous fruit of the apple tree. Milky Way's Halloween offering harnesses that flavor, but adds an element that ruins the overall effect. The caramel is perfect. The apple-flavored nougat has a sublime flavor, hinting at the fruit rather than shoving it down your throat. And then they drenched it in chocolate, completely killing the effect. Mars' snack scientists crafted an amazing piece of caramel apple candy, and then shit on it. It's fine chocolate, of course. If it weren't stabbing me in the heart I'd probably really enjoy it. Hershey's Pumpkin Spice KissesBy far the most successful creation of the bunch, Hershey's Pumpkin Spice Kisses continues the company's fine tradition of using white chocolate as the snack gods intended: as a conduit for favor, rather than a flavor unto itself. You may have seen the Strawberry Cream Kisses that pop up from time to time, or the Peppermint ones that should be back on store shelves in time for Christmas. These creations elevate white chocolate. They are transcendent. The same goes for Pumpkin Spice Kisses. Pumpkin is a taste I've acquired over the past decade. Previously my over-active imagination would take me back to the first time I reached inside one of those majestic orange gourds to scoop out a handful of stringy innards — those wet and lumpy plant intestines, stringy and cold. Now I know pumpkin spice for the warm and comforting experience it is, one captured masterfully here by the masterful folks at Hershey. These are a lover's sweet lips on a chilly October evening. Candy Corn OreosSnacktaku followers will know that I am not exactly a fan of the vanilla-cookie Oreo varieties. Like the M&M conundrum above, anything less than the classic chocolate-and-creme sandwich cookie is just that — something less. The irony is that these Candy Corn Oreos, which have received more than their fair share of press attention, are slightly more than slightly less. They are, essentially a Golden Oreo double-stuffed with two-toned creme with just a hint of butterscotch flavor added to give it that candy corn taste. It's odd — I like these. I should not like these, being pretty much more of the cookie I disliked earlier, but there's something about these that makes them irresistible. As crazy as it sounds, I think it might be the food coloring — the double sweet of vanilla cookie and creme is tempered by the appearance of the Candy Corn Oreo. My mouth expects it, and by extension accepts it. My wife and I have gone through two bags. My god have mercy on our souls. Cadbury Scream EggsThe Cadbury Creme Egg was once the most powerful chocolate candy in the world. Rising once a year like some sort of resurrected god (only tastier), the whimsical bunny-laid construction of chocolate and sweet goop is more important to candy connoisseurs than whatever it is Easter is all about. Or it was. Now we've got Scream Eggs, the same candy, only instead of simulated yolk it's filled with simulated rotting flesh. This is what happens when a piece of zombie flesh is encased in a chocolate prison. It still tastes just the same, which means Cadbury is not one of those daring candy companies — not in this case, at least. Instead, they are willing to give up a portion of their power so that people like me don't have to fill their freezer with discount post-Easter Cadbury Creme Eggs. And thus ends Snacktaku's first annual look at the cookies and candies the kids will be screaming for this Halloween. Maybe I'll let them out of the trunk in December long enough for them to help me with the Christmas edition. |
|