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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

The Onion Is Hiring

The Onion

The Onion Is Hiring

Do you think you have what it takes to work at The Onion?

America's Finest News Source is hiring a Listening Intern to comfort our staff by providing an attentive ear for hearing their thoughts and worries.

This one-day unpaid internship will take place in our Chicago office. All candidates must fulfill the following requirements in order for their application to be considered:

  1. A viewing of our new pilot, Onion News Empire
  2. A review posted on Amazon (linked to in application)
  3. Three (3) reasons why the candidate is qualified for the position (either on resume, cover letter, or attached as a separate document)

If interested, please apply here: http://bit.ly/12jfFLA

Thanks, and best of luck!

— The Onion

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Copyright © 2013 The Onion, All rights reserved.

Here's To You, Brave IKEA Shopper

Shopping at IKEA: It's a beautiful thing. But also, it's strangely haunting. Be careful on your next trip.

Don't you wish you were eight again?

16 Crafts You Loved Making As A Kid

Would eat.

25 Craft-Inspired Desserts That Are (Almost) Too Cute To Eat

Whoa.

Quilling: The Best Craft You've Never Heard of

Just wear sunscreen, too.

31 T-Shirt DIYs That Are Perfect For Summer

This is genius.

26 Simple Tricks To Make Your Kids Do Whatever You Want

In the summertime, the weather is fine...

How To Throw An Epic Beach Party

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The Bey backlash.

The Press Revolt Against Beyoncé

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BuzzFeed Animals: Oh My God, This Tiny Puppy Has The Hiccups And More!


Oh My God, This Tiny Puppy Has The Hiccups

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30 Cats And Dogs Who Aren't Ready To Graduate

Growing up is hard to do. These cats and dogs are in for a rude awakening.

Who Is Your Pet's Celebrity Doppelgänger?

Post your pet next to his or her long-lost twin for a chance to be featured on BuzzFeed Animals / win your pet the love and adoration of thousands.

Meet The Two Most Emo Corgis In Taiwan

Two corgis, one diary.

21 Chubby Chipmunk Cheeks

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Artist Goes Through His "Sloth Period"

What's better than sloth paintings based on famous pieces of art? Nothing. The artist "Shitty Watercolour", known best for painting portraits of Reddit users, has taken it upon himself to paint our favorite animal and we couldn't be happier.

The Great Cat Photography Of Lesley Ann Ercolano

She's a great all-around photographer, but we're partial to her wonderful feline fotos.

Just A Goat On A Horse

The goat looks like he's having a blast. The horse, not so much.

The Baby Chimp And Grizzly Bear Cub Friendship That Will Rule Us All

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BuzzFeed Sports: Soccer Fans Take A Powerful Stand For Gay Rights And More!


Soccer Fans Take A Powerful Stand For Gay Rights

Pride, not prejudice.

"Posterizing Your Friends" Should Be The Next Big Fad

Man, this kid got totally dunked on.

This Is The Objectively Wrong Way To Play Basketball

Who knew that there was such a thing!

LeSean McCoy Thinks Matt Barkley Is Named Mark

The Eagles running back needs to brush up on the new roster additions.

Boston Bruins Complete Epic Comeback With Game 7 Overtime Winner

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Bryce Harper Picked A Fight With An Outfield Fence

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How A Sports Folk Hero Disintegrates

Nate Robinson had been having a magical playoffs. Tuesday night, we were reminded of the fact that, in sports, these things don't always work out.

Is Joe Paterno Still Alive?

A burning question that someone apparently has.

Redskins Owner, Other Americans Remain Resolutely Unenlightened On Racial-Slur Issue

In the last two decades, the nation has completely turned itself around on gay rights, but opinions on "Redskins" have barely budged.

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Daily Investor Briefing: Import prices fall; lower oil prices...

Click to View in Browser
05/14/2013
Reuters Election 2012 Daily round-up of the day's top news from the campaign trail, the White House and all the politics in between
Import prices fall; lower oil prices to help households
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Import prices fell in April due to a drop in oil costs, a positive sign for household finances that also pointed to benign inflation pressures.
Wall Street jumps as banks lead indexes to new highs
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Stocks rallied to fresh highs on Tuesday as investors picked up large-cap companies' shares on the expectation that central bank stimulus will help propel the rally further.
Exclusive: EU to warn China it may levy duties against Huawei - sources
BRUSSELS (Reuters) - The European Commission plans to send a formal warning to China that it is ready to levy sanctions against telecoms equipment makers Huawei and ZTE Corp over illegal subsidies, people close to the matter said.
Boeing resumes deliveries of 787 Dreamliners after four-month gap
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Boeing Co said it resumed deliveries of 787 Dreamliners on Tuesday, ending a period of nearly four months in which it was unable to provide new planes to customers.
J.C. Penney stores, real estate worth $4.06 billion: appraisal
(Reuters) - J.C. Penney Co Inc's stores, distribution centers and headquarters are worth a total of $4.06 billion, according to an appraisal conducted for the department store chain and disclosed on Tuesday in a presentation to potential lenders that was also filed with U.S. regulators.
U.S. car use falls as younger generation shifts gears: study
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Americans are driving less than they used to because of higher gasoline prices, a weak economy and changing generational preferences, according to a report released Tuesday that found a sixty-year "driving boom" had hit the brakes.
Fraud claims versus Goldman over Abacus CDO are dismissed
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Goldman Sachs Group Inc won dismissal on Tuesday of fraud claims brought by a bond insurer over a CDO tied to subprime mortgage securities called Abacus.
EU probes oil majors on price manipulation
LONDON/OSLO (Reuters) - European authorities have raided offices of oil majors Shell, BP and Statoil in an investigation of suspected manipulation of oil prices, one of the biggest cross-border actions since the Libor rigging scandal.
Lockheed says furloughs could delay F-35 fighter, other programs
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The Pentagon's plans to put most of its 800,000 civilian employees on unpaid leave for 11 days could lead to delays on Lockheed Martin Corp's F-35 Joint Strike Fighter and other weapons programs, a top company official said on Tuesday.
Dell to report earnings five days early, on May 16
SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Dell Inc , mired in a battle between activist investor Carl Icahn and co-founder Michael Dell over its future, said it will report quarterly results on Thursday, May 16, five days ahead of schedule.
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