The Onion Weekly Dispatch - April 25, 2012

Wed Apr 25, 2012 www.theonion.com

Depressed Ralph Lauren Releases New Wrinkled Dress Shirt With Marinara Stain On It 04.19.12 NEW YORK—In a bold move that has become the talk of the fashion world, morbidly depressed designer Ralph Lauren has unveiled a wrinkled dress shirt stained with marinara sauce, part of a new ready-to-wear fall line reflecting the clothing legend... Obama Launches More Realistic 'I Have Big Ideas But We'll See How It Goes' Campaign Slogan News in Brief » Group Of '90s Footnotes Welcomes Gingrich Home Study: Red Meat Takes Years Off Of Cow's Life George H.W. Bush Hasn't Seen Anyone From His Secret Service Detail In Years American Voices » Wind Farms Leave Most Birds Unaffected "But what of our nation's precious kite population?" University Shuts Down Marijuana Rally video » Obama's Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone Voters describe recent images of Obama eating a gigantic hoagie all by himself "somehow very sad." opinion » Well, Well, Well, Look Who’s Come Crawling To His Uncle To Hear His Fleetwood Mac Concert Stories by Michael Fleischmann By Michael Fleischmann Radio News » Cancer Victim Given Second Chance At Death

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Sex with you is an earth-shattering experience, especially the part where hundreds of Indonesians lose their lives. Most Popular » Group Of '90s Footnotes Welcomes Gingrich Home United Airlines Exploring Viability Of Stacking Them Like Cordwood Obama's Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone You Look Like You Could Use Someone To Talk To On This 5-Hour Bus Ride Entire Train Ride Spent Deciding If, When To Use Bathroom Study Finds No Logical Reason Why Planes Fly

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