BREAKING: It Wouldn't Surprise You If This Headline Was About 318 People Being Shot In 12 Different Public Places - February 08, 2013

Fri Feb 08, 2013 www.theonion.com

BREAKING: It Wouldn't Surprise You If This Headline Was About 318 People Being Shot In 12 Different Public Places 02.07.13 THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA—Numerous sources confirmed today that it would not shock you in the slightest if this newspaper article was about 12 isolated mass shootings occurring across the country this afternoon that together left 318 people eithe... News in Brief » Target Demographic Growing Up Right Before Wistful Advertiser's Eyes American Voices » Northeast Braces For Historic Blizzard “As a 12-year-old, should I have lived through this many storms of the century by now?” opinion » Look, I'm Just Going To Say It: I Collect Antique Nazi Memorabilia by Barack Obama, President Of The United States As I begin my second term as president, I am honored to continue to serve this great country as we tackle the myriad problems that face us in the 21st century. Radio News » Area Bassist Fellated

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