The Other Side of Life 24/7: The Cynical Girl: This Season’s Biggest Fashion Trend at Work: Polka Dots

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The Cynical Girl: This Season’s Biggest Fashion Trend at Work: Polka Dots

This Season’s Biggest Fashion Trend at Work: Polka Dots

Posted: 23 Jul 2013 03:45 AM PDT

For the record: I was early on polka dots.

It’s a hot trend. Everyone looks good in polka dots. (Yes, yes, yes. You do. Everybody looks good in polka dots.)

Back in 2000, I worked for Alberto-Culver (now Unilever) and rocked a size 8 navy polka dot dress from Petite Sophisticate like it was nobody’s business.

Then I was hired by Kemper Insurance and added a black polka dot skirt-and-top combo from Ann Taylor to my wardrobe. When I joined Pfizer,

I put on some weight. I moved to a size 10 matte jersey suit from Talbots. It was gray, and I paired that with an orange-and-cream polka dot sleeveless top.

Whatever. It was 2004. It worked.

But something happened in 2005. I went off polka dots. Abruptly.

I was in Manhattan, wearing my matte jersey suit and polka dot top, when a colleague asked me about my husband.

“He’s a great guy. We met at work. He’s twelve years older than me.”

“Wow,” the guy says. “He is a lucky dude.”

“Yeah,” I add. “I am his trophy wife.”

The VP looks at me and says, “I like how confident you are for a woman your size.”

And I never wore that outfit again because I thought my colleague from Pfizer was calling me fat.

So I’m Manhattan, last week, sweating to 100 degree temps and wearing a polka dot shift dress from Madewell. I was feeling pretty good about the world (despite the ongoing drama in Syria and Egypt) and it suddenly hit me out of nowhere:

The guy was calling me short.

SHORT.
NOT FAT.
SHORT.

Duh. I am 5’0″ and I have a crazy brain.

But I am not the only one around here with a broken brain. You might be just like me. When someone says something innocuous, you might take offense too quickly.

And I know firsthand that your brain is holding you back.

So this season’s biggest fashion trend is two-fold: Wear polka dots and get over your body issues. You could also go BIG and assume good intent. And remember that you look fabulous in everything you wear because you are on trend and you have exceptional taste in clothes.

Please don’t be a moron like me and take eight years to figure this out.

You’ve been lied to, suckers. Social media won’t help you find a job.

Posted: 22 Jul 2013 06:45 AM PDT

There is nothing worse than being taken for a ride and being the last one to know you’ve been taken for a ride.

Let me warn you now: You are being lied to by the internet. There is nothing here for you, especially a job.

Don’t just listen to me. Listen to the HR professionals I’ve been meeting with in 2013 who keep complaining about job seekers who want to connect online and get social.

One HR professional told me, “If you have time to be on Facebook, you are not fully engaged at your job. I don’t want you.”

More advice below.

Don’t have a personal brand. “If you have a personal brand, you aren’t dedicated to the company brand.”
Don’t believe in the false promise of a social network. “I like to hire people I know. After that, people who are recommended to me. I want to know you or know someone who knows you. That’s how I hold people accountable for hires.”
Don’t use Facebook to connect. “I’m there to watch my kids.”
Don’t depend on LinkedIn to connect. “I go in there about once a month to clean it out.”
Skip Twitter. “I am the world’s biggest Kai Ryssdal fan. Can I listen to NPR on Twitter?”

/slams head/

There are companies with a progressive social recruiting practices who light the world on fire. It is a growing segment of the employer population. I am thrilled. This is the future.

But the future is not here. Most people still find jobs through career websites, employee referrals and job boards. If you want to try something new, try a forum.

So if you’re spending more than an hour/day on the internet with your job search, you are doing it wrong.

Get up. Get out. Get off the internet. Get yourself back to work!