Obnoxious Friend Won't Stop Attaining Major Life Milestones - March 06, 2013

Wed Mar 06, 2013 www.theonion.com

Obnoxious Friend Won't Stop Attaining Major Life Milestones 03.05.13 ALEXANDRIA, VA—Annoyed sources confirmed this week that married and pregnant local woman Ashley Canfield will not stop achieving significant life milestones, unanimously agreeing that the 30-year-old law school graduate seriously needs to just cool ... News in Brief » Poll: 99% Of Human Beings Would Prefer Big, Slobbery Hound Dog Pope American Voices » Second Sinkhole Opens In Tampa “I’m starting to believe Tampa’s not the paradise I once thought it to be.” opinion » Look, It’s Come Down To This: Either I Have To Murder John Boehner Or He Has To Murder Me by Barack Obama, 44th President Of The United States By Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States Radio News » Pea Farmers Say They Alone Keep Peas From Overrunning Planet

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 The stars don’t understand how you can sleep at night after everything that you’ve done, though they’re mostly just referring to all the napping. Most Popular »

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