The Onion Weekly Dispatch - August 29, 2012

Wed Aug 29, 2012 www.theonion.com

Netflix Board Of Directors Meets To Decide If 'Michael' Is Stream Worthy 08.29.12 LOS GATOS, CA—According to sources within the company, Netflix's board of directors held a tense series of meetings Friday to decide whether the 1996 fantasy-comedy Michael, starring actor John Travolta, should be included among the movies av... Gay Marine Beaten To Bloody Pulp To Fire Up RNC Crowd News in Brief » Brave Woman Enters Restaurant Without First Looking It Up Online Jeb Bush Warns RNC Attendees Of Bad Cialis Going Around Parking Lot Entire Republican National Convention Stunned As Ann Romney Asks For Divorce American Voices » Rodent-Borne Virus Kills 2 At Yosemite “There you go, Teddy fucking Roosevelt and the national park system you just had to have. I hope you’re happy.” Pediatricians Tout Benefits Of Circumcision video » NASA Asks Russians To Stop Filming Porn On International Space Station In the Daily Briefing, NASA scientists ask the Russians to please stop using the ISS as a personal porn studio and a Taliban attack on U.S. forces has led officials to announce they are 'so glad pretty soon America won't have to deal with this shit anymore'. opinion » Here Are All Of My Opinions  by John Caldwell By John Caldwell Radio News » Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, I found journalist Mark Summerfeld’s review of last Saturday’s fireworks show to be spot on. He was 100 percent right. They were very beautiful. — Carol Prushek Athens, GA Most Popular » Gay Marine Beaten To Bloody Pulp To Fire Up RNC Crowd Things That Shouldn't Be Said In Modern Society To Be Said At Least 1,400 Times At RNC Brave Woman Enters Restaurant Without First Looking It Up Online Entire Republican National Convention Stunned As Ann Romney Asks For Divorce Rodent-Borne Virus Kills 2 At Yosemite Jeb Bush Warns RNC Attendees Of Bad Cialis Going Around Parking Lot

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