The Onion Daily Dispatch - August 22, 2012

Wed Aug 22, 2012 www.theonion.com

Pregnant Woman Relieved To Learn Her Rape Was Illegitimate 08.20.12 LITCHFIELD, CT—Though she was initially upset following the brutal sexual assault last month that left her pregnant, victim Martha Byars told reporters she was relieved Sunday to learn from Rep. News in Brief » Republicans Condemn Akin's Comments As Blemish On Party's Otherwise Spotless Women's Rights Record American Voices » Myanmar Ends Media Censorship “Yeah, but where’s the fun in it if you’re not pissing off a junta?” opinion » Ask A Freshman English Class Going Around The Room And Saying A Little Bit About Themselves by A Freshman English Class Going Around The Room And Saying A Little Bit About Themselves   Radio News » Farm Subsidy Blown On Farming

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Running away from your problems will fail this week, as will climbing out of your problems’ reach and playing dead in hopes that your problems go away. Most Popular » Pregnant Woman Relieved To Learn Her Rape Was Illegitimate I Misspoke—What I Meant To Say Is 'I Am Dumb As Dog Shit And I Am A Terrible Human Being' Myanmar Ends Media Censorship Ask A Freshman English Class Going Around The Room And Saying A Little Bit About Themselves Republicans Condemn Akin's Comments As Blemish On Party's Otherwise Spotless Women's Rights Record Woman Has Bizarre Ability To Share Details About Personal Life With Parents

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