The Onion Daily Dispatch - August 13, 2012

Mon Aug 13, 2012 www.theonion.com

Coworker With Two Computer Screens Not Fucking Around 08.13.12 FORT WORTH, TX—Credible sources within your office reported Monday that the guy on the third floor with two computer screens on his desk is not fucking around. News in Brief » Nation's Economists Quietly Evacuating Their Families American Voices » Stressed-Out Men Prefer Heavier Women “That’s accurate. After a long day at work, I’ll masturbate to just about anything.” opinion » I'm Proud Of All My Songs, Even The Ones I Stole From People I Heard At Open-Mic Nights by Paul Simon By Paul Simon Radio News » God Worried Apocalypse May Not Live Up To Expectations

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Four will be killed, 12 injured, and nearly 50 molested this week after your unconscious escapes. Most Popular » Coworker With Two Computer Screens Not Fucking Around Stressed-Out Men Prefer Heavier Women Fuck, Roommates Want To Have Meeting Michael Phelps Returns To His Tank At Sea World 'Romney Murdered JonBenét Ramsey,' New Obama Campaign Ad Alleges Nation's Economists Quietly Evacuating Their Families

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