The Onion Daily Dispatch - June 01, 2012

Fri Jun 01, 2012 www.theonion.com

NBA Arrested For Marijuana Possession 06.01.12 NEW YORK—The National Basketball Association is in custody today after law enforcement officials found the professional sports league to be in possession of more than 4,800 ounces of high-potency marijuana with a street value exceeding $2 million. ... News in Brief » Ford Assembly Line Foreman Thinking About Asking Out Cute Welding Robot From Work American Voices » Mormons To March In Gay Pride Parade "Within the Mormon church, it's very progressive to recognize gay people's right to walk around in public." opinion » Hey, Everybody! This Cool New Tide Detergent Video Is Blowing Up All Over The Internet! by Fred Hammond , Director Of Digital Video And Social Media Ad Integration, Tide Detergent Hey, everybody, have you seen this awesome new web video from Tide detergent? I just checked it out online and, man, it is easily one of the coolest digital videos I've ever seen. Radio News » Local Man Gets Stabbing Right On 47th Try

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, Last week you published a letter from me—Jim Swanson—but guess what? That wasn't me, that was my identical twin brother, Tim. Ha-ha, got you! — Jim Swanson (or is it Tim?!), Minneapolis (or is it St. Paul?!), MN Most Popular » ESPN Courts Female Viewers With 'World's Emotionally Strongest Man Competition' NBA Arrested For Marijuana Possession Mormons To March In Gay Pride Parade Shadows Meet The Clouds, Gray On Gray, Like Dusty Charcoal On An Ashen Brow, Nation's Poets Report Money Man Pulls Even With Black Guy In Latest Poll What Are We Failing To Pull Off

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