The Onion Weekly Dispatch - May 30, 2012

Wed May 30, 2012 www.theonion.com

NRA Sets 1,000 Killed In School Shooting As Amount It Would Take For Them To Reconsider Much Of Anything 05.25.12 FAIRFAX, VA—National Rifle Association Executive Vice President and CEO Wayne LaPierre said Monday that somewhere around 1,000 kids would have to die in a school shooting in order for the organization to reconsider their longstanding opposition to g... Biden To Honor Fallen Soldiers By Jumping Motorcycle Over Vietnam Memorial News in Brief » Area Man Winded After Particularly Lengthy Wendy's Order Crayola CEO Presents Jarringly Ambitious 5-Year Plan At Annual Shareholders Meeting Undercurrent Of Inequality And Fear Roiling Just Beneath Surface Of '50s-Themed Diner American Voices » Obama Presides Over Secret 'Kill List' "That’s smart. Making a to kill list increases the likelihood you’ll get those people killed." PayPal Now Accepted At 15 Retailers video » Behind The Pen: Collective Wisdom If you like watching DVDs or streaming movies online, this week's must-see Behind the Pen video will reveal whether you are a sophisticated adult or a mixed-up teen. opinion » Hey, Everybody! This Cool New Tide Detergent Video Is Blowing Up All Over The Internet! by Fred Hammond , Director Of Digital Video And Social Media Ad Integration, Tide Detergent Hey, everybody, have you seen this awesome new web video from Tide detergent? I just checked it out online and, man, it is easily one of the coolest digital videos I've ever seen. Radio News » Local Man Gets Stabbing Right On 47th Try

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You'll wake up in strangers' beds five times this week, which should be all the proof you need that you should meet more people. Most Popular » Hey, Everybody! This Cool New Tide Detergent Video Is Blowing Up All Over The Internet! Obama Presides Over Secret 'Kill List' Big 12 Agrees To Annual Bowl Loss Against SEC Area Man Winded After Particularly Lengthy Wendy's Order Least Popular Hotel Perks Biden To Honor Fallen Soldiers By Jumping Motorcycle Over Vietnam Memorial

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