Arts: Battleship

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Movies Battleship It'll keelhaul you till you're sober. By Dana Stevens Posted Thursday, May 17, 2012, at 10:26 PM ET After you've seen Battleship, come back and listen to our spoiler special: Battleship (Universal/Hasbro) must have prevailed in whatever war it was waging on me, because three days after seeing it all I can remember is that it's about battleships, and is based on the board game Battleship, and is about a lot of ships that … battle. Battleship (directed by Peter Berg of The Kingdom and Friday Night Lights) is a dumb action blockbuster, but not generously, life-givingly dumb, like the Mission: Impossible movies or Roland Emmerich's 2012 (ahhh, 2012). This is the kind of summer movie that softens your brain tissue without even providing the endocrine burst of pleasure that would make it all worthwhile. It even—please fine me for saying this—makes Michael Bay's Transformers movies look rollicking by comparison.  Given that it spends a good 85 percent of its 130-minute running time bludgeoning the viewers' senses with explosions and CGI naval battles and hurtling alien vessels, Battleship has a lot of nerve asking us to care about the hastily sketched human dramas unfolding on the periphery. You know how, even in a terrible movie, there'll often be one subplot or performance that you find yourself looking forward to during the dull parts? This film offers no such respite. Every storyline, from the ne'er-do-well Navy lieutenant who suddenly finds himself in charge of defending his ship from aliens to the physical therapist scaling a mountain with her double-amputee client ... To continue reading, click here. Join the Fray: our reader discussion forum What did you think of this article? POST A MESSAGE | READ MESSAGES Also In Slate Lithwick: Why Does the GOP Think America's Women Can't Be Trusted? Will the Supreme Court Force PACs To Expose the Names of Their Donors? College Athletes Should Be Guaranteed Four-Year Scholarships. Anything Less Is Indentured Servitude.	Advertisement
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