The Onion Daily Dispatch - April 23, 2012

Mon Apr 23, 2012 www.theonion.com

DOT: Dangerous Intersection Causing Some Pretty Cool Accidents 10.13.06 SACRAMENTO, CA—A series of wicked brutal wrecks at the intersection of McKinley and Grove have been officially classified as "spec-fucking-tacular." News in Brief » Study: Red Meat Takes Years Off Of Cow's Life American Voices » University Shuts Down Marijuana Rally "If the stench of 10,000 marijuana advocates isn't going to deter these people, a few pounds of fertilizer probably won't do the trick." opinion » Well, Well, Well, Look Who’s Come Crawling To His Uncle To Hear His Fleetwood Mac Concert Stories by Michael Fleischmann Ah, my dear nephew, I thought those were your steps I heard. Allow me to pause this Mirage concert bootleg; may I ask to what I owe this unexpected visit? Radio News » Cocky Attempt To Operate ATM In Spanish Backfires

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, I recently stumbled across some documents at work that your readers might find enlightening. Let me know if you’d like to have a look at them. Thank you. — L. Panetta, Arlington, VA Most Popular » DOT: Dangerous Intersection Causing Some Pretty Cool Accidents Cocky Attempt To Operate ATM In Spanish Backfires University Shuts Down Marijuana Rally Study: Red Meat Takes Years Off Of Cow's Life Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable Due To Facebook Depressed Ralph Lauren Releases New Wrinkled Dress Shirt With Marinara Stain On It

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