April 13th, 2012Top StoryOMFG, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Are Engaged.By Dodai Stewart
As you may know, this engagement comes after years of speculation. Since meeting on the set of Mr. And Mrs. Smith in 2003, the couple have been subjected to an endless stream of rumors, but a wedding has thus far eluded us. But let's look back, shall we? Memories… light the corners of my mind… September 14, 2005Star magazine claims that Brad and Angelina will elope, even though Brad's divorce from Jennifer Aniston won't be final until October 2. Thus begins the villianization of Angelina. February 27, 2006Jossip ('member them?) reports that Brad and Angie have set a wedding date, and it is June 27, 2006. There is a Tiffany registry and everything! December 8, 2006Ok! magazine claims that following the birth of Shiloh in Namibia, Brad and Angelina are planning a "fairytale Christmas wedding in South Africa." Feburary 1, 2007"Wedding Bells For Bad Pitt and Angelina Jolie"
Sniffle. Let's head down the aisle. May 12, 2007Ok! is quite sure that Angelina is planning the "wedding of the year." Dress by Marchesa! Matching rings! Red velvet cake! March 10, 2008In Touch shouts, "Yes, They're Getting MARRIED."
This "doing it for the kids" business will persist. March 29, 2008Star claims that Angie and Brad have just been wed in the French Quarter Wedding Chapel in New Orleans. The original headline, "Star Exclusive: They Did It! Brad & Angelina Tie The Knot!" is later changed to "Did They Or Didn't They?" The Huffington Post keeps a running timeline as folks try to figure out if the wedding actually happened or not. July 13, 2008BABY BREAK! Twin golden-haired deities Vivienne and Knox are born. October 29, 2008Ok! swears that Angelina and Brad are not married but are planning a very small ceremony, and another adoption. Again, the nuptials will happen because the kids "beg" for it. December 18, 2008Oh, see, the reason Angelina and Brad haven't tied the knot yet is because they are squabbling over the prenup. So says Star. April 1, 2009According to Ok!, Brad wants to get married before he and Angie have any more kids — whether through pregnancy or adoption. "He needs to know Angie is really committed to him," a source adds. "Becoming Mrs. Pitt would give him the answer." Four years and six kids are simply not enough. December 2009Brad and Angie did not get married, but they did break up. A lot. Allegedly. January 24 2010Despite not being married, Angelina and Brad hire a divorce lawyer. They are expected to announce a split within months. Some become distraught and disillusioned. Where is the love, guys? Sob. April 21 2010"Wedding For The Kids!" They don't want to get married, but they have to! The tiny dictators demand it! December 2010Brad and Angelina plan to wed in a Hindu ceremony at an ashram in India. A guru has been enlisted. December 29, 2010In Touch takes us "inside their secret wedding" by Photoshopping Brad and Angelina onto a lovely beach scene. According to the mag: "Weeks before Christmas, Angelina and Brad whisked their six children off to a tropical paradise and gave them a gift they would never forget: A wedding." A caption next to a picture of Pax and Maddox reads, "They wanted this for so long." Angie and Brad exchanged vows "in a romantic though not legally binding ceremony" at a resort; no priest was present. June 22, 2011The mystical details of the "Secret Wedding In France" are revealed by In Touch: Brad and Angelina will be getting married in September, once the renovations on their chateau are done. They have chosen September 23 as the wedding date because that is the autumnal equinox. A source says: "They both feel that the equinox holds special meaning because it is the day that the Earth is most balanced - the night is as long as the day and the sun's center is on the same plane as the Earth." The mag adds: "Will getting married on the equinox ring in a new age of balance and calm for Brad and Angelina? One can only hope." Om. July 13 2011Wednesday's issue of Us reports that three reputable sources claim Brad and Angelina plan to get married in September, at their Chateau in France. It will be "an intimate and informal affair." And since Us is considered more respectable than Ok!, Star and In Touch, the "news" was been picked up by The LA Times, The Washington Post, The International Herald Tribune, and The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. January 2012The fall of 2011 was quiet, in terms of Brangelina wedding rumors. In the beginning of this year, though, Angelina was supposedly 98 lbs., pregnant, and headed to rehab. That would delay nuptials. February 15, 2012Wedding Exclusive! Ok! reports that Angelina and Brad are planning a small ceremony at Chateau Mirval. And: "Brad and Angelina will be spending their honeymoon painting the nursery for the twin boys." She's pregnant with twins, y'all. Working on her own baseball team of kids. Moneyball! February 29, 2012In an ongoing campaign to demonize her and paint her as the awful other woman, In Touch asks us to believe that wedding planning is going on, but that Angelina has banned cake from the reception. Team Cake's monocles drop to the floor. March 14, 2012Ok! swears that a wedding will finally happen, assuring us that Angie and Brad will get married "before the arrival of their twin boys," and declaring that "Angie has no qualms about being a pregnant bride." Despite all of the rumors, an actual engagement ring is definitely news. And an actual ceremony appears to be on the horizon. Or is it? These two wily kids just might stay engaged for years, keeping us — and the tabloids — guessing.  |
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