The Onion Daily Dispatch - June 06, 2011

Mon Jun 06, 2011 www.theonion.com

Yellowstone National Park Concerned About Competing 'Yello-Stone Natural Park' Built Right Across Street 06.06.11 GARDINER, MT—With the summer tourist season now in full gear, officials at Yellowstone National Park expressed a growing sense of concern and agitation Monday about a competing 3,500-square-mile nature reserve that recently opened directly across th... News in Brief » NHL Fines Ozzie Guillen Just To See If He'll Pay American Voices » Food Pyramid Scrapped "But now how will I remember how many cartoon baguettes and whole roasted turkeys I'm supposed to eat?" opinion » Part Of Me Wants To See This Acrobat Fall To His Death vs. Part Of Me Wants To See That Guy In The Third Row Have A Heart Attack In Front Of His Family by Alexi Ivanov I know this is going to sound sick and twisted—there is a small part of me that wants to see him slip and plummet nine stories to his death. Radio News » Bird Has Big Plans For New Cage

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Sometimes the exact right thing falls right out of the sky and hits you between the eyes, which will be the case next week after the bowling-ball plant upwind from you explodes. Most Popular » Yellowstone National Park Concerned About Competing 'Yello-Stone Natural Park' Built Right Across Street Church Cancelled Due to Lack of God Prince William Divorces Kate Middleton After 5 Weeks Planet Earth Doesn't Know How To Make It Any Clearer It Wants Everyone To Leave Point Of Story Apparently That Man Ate At Restaurant Food Pyramid Scrapped

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