The Other Side of Life 24/7: The Cynical Girl: Why Not You? #igniteraleigh

Thursday, February 21, 2013

The Cynical Girl: Why Not You? #igniteraleigh

Posted: 20 Feb 2013 03:45 AM PST

Everything about the internet is meant to make you feel sad.

Websites are designed to make you feel a void in your life. Color palates are picked to remind you that you’re a loser. And when you turn to social networking sites for comfort, it looks like everyone is happier and has a better life than you.

Ugh!

Being on social networking sites can be depressing but I think it’s worse when you are looking for a job. This is what I’m talking about — in under five minutes — at Ignite Raleigh 4.

Honestly, my whole goal is to keep my eyes open when I talk. If I can do that for five minutes, the night will be a success.

HR4HR

Posted: 19 Feb 2013 03:45 AM PST

I meet the most amazing global business leaders on a regular basis. When I tell them who I am, all they want to do is complain about HR.

This is 100% true. And it is ~~always~~ usually a dude complaining about a woman.

While I understand the common connection, I hate listening to this nonsense. There is never any money in this for me. Ever. How the heck do I monetize that conversation? And I have nothing to offer beyond the observation that, yeah, everybody hates HR.

Until now.

I’m thinking of starting a company called HR4HR that meets with educated, professional, esteemed HR leaders and tells them what their spineless CEO and employees really think of them.

And the initial conversation will be $10,000 because I gotta pay for the stitches when those HR ladies hit me in the face with a Jim Collins book.

Sigh. Maybe I can do this via Skype.

I seriously think there is a business here. Hang with me while I ideate.

For $25,000 and a 60-day engagement, I will fix your HR lady. It’s cheaper than a retained search.
I will collect feedback from your business leaders. I will run your HR lady through an assessment (that is actually valid — I know a firm) to test for things like cognitive speed and risk preferences.
Then I will provide you with a gap analysis and a business plan.

Simultaneously, I would put your HR lady in a room and make her listen to a dozen, real employees who don’t understand why HR makes everything worse. I would do that just because I think that’s fun. I know, I know. I’m awful. But then I would work on a real plan.

What does it look like? Beyond understanding the assessment and the gap analysis and tying all of that into a business plan, I would insist that your HR lady do the following.

Get up every morning and exercise. (You can’t be good at HR if you don’t have energy.)
Get her personal life and work life in sync. (You can’t be strategic if your personal life is a wreck.)
Read one book a week. (Smart, engaged HR professionals are lifelong learners.)
Buy some new clothes and get a new look. (Don’t you watch TV? Makeovers never hurt anyone.)
Work on saying yes more often. (The corollary is working on telling people no without having them hate you.)

That’s a lot of work. Wait. The price just went up — but call me for a discount.

Once the 60 days are over, your HR lady will be a new woman. She will be engaged and more effective. And her communication skills will have improved so much that she will be able to tell the difference when employees are right and when they are just being unrealistic dicks.

That includes you, Mister CEO.

There you go. Hr4HR.

I think there’s something there!