The Onion Weekly Dispatch - December 05, 2012

Wed Dec 05, 2012 www.theonion.com

Department Of Transportation Announces New Highway Concert Series 12.05.12 WASHINGTON—The U.S. Department of Transportation announced plans Wednesday to stage Traffic Jam 2013, a brand-new highway concert series that will feature popular musical acts performing for passing motorists on America’s shoulder lanes, media... 15-Year-Old Duchess Of McComb, AL Announces Pregnancy News in Brief » Coy 'Dexter' Producers Hint At 'Huge Plot Holes' In Season Finale Royal Family Releases Kate Middleton Ultrasound Image Hardee's Introduces Shame Curtains For Customers To Eat Behind American Voices » Flu Season Arrives Month Early “I’m not worried. I got a flu shot one year.” The Text Message Turns 20 video » Apple Promises To Fix Glitches In Map Software By Rearranging Earth's Geography Apple is working hard to move streets, buildings, and natural features of the Earth itself to be consistent with their heavily criticized Maps software. opinion » It's Funny, I've Actually Only Been To New Jersey A Couple Of Times by Bruce Springsteen By Bruce Springsteen Radio News » Raccoon Leaders Call For Loosening Of Garbage-Can Lids

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, My girlfriend and I can’t find a decent place to eat in our neighborhood. Help! Please publish a restaurant review soon, as we are both very hungry. — Tony Fechtor, Chicago Most Popular » 15-Year-Old Duchess Of McComb, AL Announces Pregnancy Highlights Of 'The Hobbit' It's Funny, I've Actually Only Been To New Jersey A Couple Of Times Royal Family Releases Kate Middleton Ultrasound Image Cut This Monster Out Of Me Hardee's Introduces Shame Curtains For Customers To Eat Behind

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