The Onion Daily Dispatch - December 13, 2012

Thu Dec 13, 2012 www.theonion.com

Authorities Not Even Going To Bother Looking For Motive Behind Oregon Shooting 12.12.12 CLACKAMAS, OR—Following the shooting at a crowded Oregon mall that killed two people Tuesday, local authorities confirmed they were not even going to waste their time trying to find the killer's motive, having determined that the individual was ... News in Brief » Mumford And Sons Can't Believe They All Got Each Other Mandolins For Christmas American Voices » Inscription On MLK Memorial To Be Removed “This would never have happened to a statue of a white guy.” opinion » Ho, Ho, Ho! 9/11 Was An Inside Job! by Santa Claus By Santa Claus Radio News » Deadly New Virus Found To Be 'Real Squiggly'

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 A priest, a rabbi, and a minister will walk into a bar this week, order three stiff drinks, and break down crying in one of the most depressing jokes you’ve ever heard. Most Popular » Inscription On MLK Memorial To Be Removed Mumford And Sons Can't Believe They All Got Each Other Mandolins For Christmas Ho, Ho, Ho! 9/11 Was An Inside Job! Authorities Not Even Going To Bother Looking For Motive Behind Oregon Shooting Taylor Swift Apparently Now Dating 'Garfield' Creator Jim Davis Toddler Leaders Call For Increased Duck Visibility

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