The Onion Weekly Dispatch - November 19, 2012

Mon Nov 19, 2012 www.theonion.com

Scientists Develop Highly Volatile New Relationship 11.15.12 PALO ALTO, CA—Marking a major breakthrough in the study of highly charged atmospheres and intense fields of emotional instability, scientists at Stanford University announced Thursday they had synthesized an entirely new and extremely volatile form ... Kim Jong-Un Named The Onion's Sexiest Man Alive For 2012 News in Brief » Area Man Never In Mood To Do Things He Hasn't Done Before 5-Year-Old Says 'Sesame Street' Has Sucked Since 2010 Robert Pattinson Looking Forward To Taking On More Serious Vampire Roles After Conclusion Of 'Twilight' Films American Voices » Brazilian Scientists To Clone Endangered Species “Whoa, that could actually be a cool idea for a movie. Imagine—an entire island filled with deer.” Hostess Brands Going Out Of Business video » Obama: 'I Will Allow 10 States To Secede, But No More' An intern just happens to be a beautiful 22-year-old woman, Elmo admits he's uncomfortable working with a gay puppeteer, and the nation is horrified to learn about the war in Afghanistan while reading up on the Petraeus scandal. opinion » Come On, Just Open The Door And Let Me In This Once by A Raccoon By A Raccoon Radio News » Kentucky Legislature Bans Gay Pet Weddings

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 The stars foretell of a mad prophet rising in the east in the moon's next cycle. They hope this somehow helps you with your life. Most Popular » Man Who Plays Devil's Advocate Really Just Wants To Be Asshole University Of Oregon Debut Controversial Fly-Ridden Duck Flesh Uniforms Area Man Never In Mood To Do Things He Hasn't Done Before Scientists Develop Highly Volatile New Relationship Kim Jong-Un Named The Onion's Sexiest Man Alive For 2012 Steelers v. Ravens

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