The Onion Daily Dispatch - November 22, 2012

Thu Nov 22, 2012 www.theonion.com

Study: Everyone, Everything Linked To Paranoia 11.20.12 BALTIMORE—According to a study published Tuesday in The New England Journal Of Medicine, researchers at Johns Hopkins University have succeeded in conclusively linking everyone and everything everywhere to paranoia. The comprehensive 11-month... News in Brief » BREAKING: Cousin Mark Coming After All American Voices » Americans Celebrate Thanksgiving “My three beautiful hostages.” opinion » Come On, Just Open The Door And Let Me In This Once by A Raccoon By A Raccoon Radio News » Raccoon Leaders Call For Loosening Of Garbage-Can Lids

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, You know who’s an underrated actor? I’m making a list, but I don’t have any names yet. — Dietrich Brandt, Eugene, OR Most Popular » 26-Year-Old To See Every Asshole He Ever Went To High School With On Night Before Thanksgiving The Onion's Guide To Hosting A Perfect Thanksgiving Americans Celebrate Thanksgiving Only College Student Staying On Campus Planning Saddest Thanksgiving Meal Of All Time Grandson Has Long Hair Nation's Uncles Enter Last Stage Of Prep For Thursday's Thanksgiving Debates

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