The Onion Daily Dispatch - November 01, 2012

Thu Nov 01, 2012 www.theonion.com

Nation Suddenly Realizes This Just Going To Be A Thing That Happens From Now On 10.31.12 NEW YORK—Following Hurricane Sandy’s destructive tear through the Northeast this week, the nation’s 300 million citizens looked upon the trail of devastation and fully realized, for the first time, that this is just going to be something... News in Brief » Report: Only Way Nation Will Pay Attention To Climate Change Is If Julia Roberts Dies In Hurricane American Voices » Disney Buys Lucasfilm For $4 Billion “Man, Disney doesn’t care about the Star Wars franchise. They only care about making money.” opinion » The Word 'Spooktacular' Used To Mean Something In This Country by Garrett Lowe By Garret Lowe Radio News » Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Self-improvement may be a noble goal, but the stars aren’t so sure the leg rests, dual cup-holders, and wood paneling are what people had in mind. Most Popular » Nation Suddenly Realizes This Just Going To Be A Thing That Happens From Now On Disney Buys Lucasfilm For $4 Billion Reaganomics Finally Trickles Down To Area Man Paul Ryan Releases 90-Minute High-Endurance Budget-Slashing Video Mood In Car Takes Grim Turn After Dad Misses Exit Weird Couple Has Greatest Sex Of Their Lives After Announcement Of Disney-LucasFilm Merger

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