The Onion Weekly Dispatch - October 04, 2012

Thu Oct 04, 2012 www.theonion.com

Mitt Romney Adopts New ‘Ronnie Ferocious’ Persona For Debates 10.03.12 DENVER—Saying that he wasn’t going to take any shit tonight and that the debate podiums “looked just as fucking lame as all the dressed-up suits in this godforsaken hellhole of a room,” Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney... Nation Demands More Pre-Debate News Stories About Body Language News in Brief » Mitt Romney Jots Down Ideas For Concession Speech While Obama Talks Panicking Romney Attempts To Lay Off Debate Moderator Millions Of Excited Americans Gather To Watch Candidates Deliver Series Of Short, Elaborately Rehearsed Speeches American Voices » Teen Drinking And Driving Down Sharply “Teens today are so lame. In my day, you weren’t considered cool unless you died in at least one drunk-driving accident.” Seth MacFarlane To Host Oscars video » The Onion Voter's Guide To Mitt Romney Your pathetic, statistically meaningless vote is more important than ever this year. To help you make the right choice, we present The Onion's guide to GOP candidate Mitt Romney. point/counterpoint » The Anemic Economic Recovery Is Due To The Failed Policies Of My Opponent vs. C'mon Man, The Debate's In A Couple Hours, We Can Do This Then by Barack Obama, Incumbent Candidate For President Of The United States Point/Counterpoint Radio News » Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You'll be punished for playing God this week, which isn't surprising, considering the Cockney accent, exaggerated limp, and thick head of curly blond hair you gave Him. Most Popular » Mitt Romney Adopts New ‘Ronnie Ferocious’ Persona For Debates Panicking Romney Attempts To Lay Off Debate Moderator Biden Implores Obama To 'Rub One Out' Before Debate Mitt Romney Jots Down Ideas For Concession Speech While Obama Talks Obama Makes Surprise Visit To Quantum-Branching Multiverse On Alternate Hyperdimensional Plane Report: Just So You Know, Your Younger Sister Probably Getting Laid Pretty Regularly These Days

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