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Thursday, October 18, 2012

The Onion Daily Dispatch - October 18, 2012

The Onion

Tearful Mitt Romney Announces He Has Rare Disease Where You Can't Sit Quietly On Stool When Repeatedly Asked To 10.17.12

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Highly emotional in the wake of last night’s town-hall-style debate, a tearful Mitt Romney called a press conference this morning to “come clean” about having a rare, little-understood disease known as Shuttlesworth S...

News in Brief »

Candlelight Vigilante Takes Commemorating Into Own Hands

American Voices »

Americans' Cholesterol Levels Fall

“Hey, we’re only outwardly disgusting now. That’s a start.”

opinion »

Would A Man Who Doesn't Support Women Let His Wife Pick Out Any Oven She Wants For Her Birthday?

by Mitt Romney, Republican Nominee For President Of The United States

By Mitt Romney

Radio News »

Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

featured section: »

Horoscope »

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19

You'll have your train of thought derailed this week, instantly killing thousands of Indian passengers, injuring countless livestock, and choking the streets with cargo and crew.

Most Popular »
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