October 15th, 2012Top StoryHow to Lie Without Actually Telling a LieBy Adam Dachis
What Is Misdirection?If you've ever seen a magic show, you know all about misdirection. Magicians direct their audience's attention away from the trick so they don't see what's happening. Because we're not paying attention, we miss the obvious and see what we're asked to see. Let's take a look at two common examples. The Email Forward Card TrickYou may have received this email forward before. You're presented with a set of five cards and asked to choose one: You'll pick your card and remember it. In the next image, you won't see any cards at all: Just to be sure you're not looking at the original image, there's yet another image without any cards in it: Suddenly, your card is gone: How did that happen? Well, not a single card in the image above was pictured in the original. All the cards are different, so no matter which card you chose you won't see it. You will see five similar cards, however, and because you were spending your mental efforts on remembering your card, rather than the five originals, you neglected to realize this. You were tricked by the powers of misdirection. Inattentional BlindnessMisdirection works because of a psychological phenomenon called inattentional blindness. David McRaney, author of the book and blog on self-delusion You Are Not So Smart, explains how it works:
Need more proof? Watch this video: The video asks you to count the number of passes to each player, but while all the players are passing a ball a man in a gorilla costume walks through the scene. This happens very obviously, but most first-time viewers miss the gorilla and are shocked to find out it was even present because their attention was diverted to another task. This video used misdirection to prevent you from noticing what was clearly right in front of you. We're going to use this same method to lie without lying. Use Misdirection to Lie Without LyingLying takes effort. When you tell the truth, you simply remember something and say it. When you lie, you consider the truth, whether or not you want to share it, decide that you don't, concoct a lie, and try to say that lie as naturally as you would the truth. Remembering all those steps is hard enough, but certainly not as hard as carrying them out in a matter of seconds. Misdirection still requires more work than truth-telling, but you don't need to figure out a believable alternative to use it. Instead, you simply need to focus the subject's attention on something else and let them concoct the lie using their own imagination. How do you actually do this? Let's consider some examples. Conceal Your Own Secret
Lying becomes especially difficult in a situation like this because you 1) have to remember the lie you tell to every person who asks you why you don't drink and 2) you have to remember who you lied to and who you didn't. On top of that, if this relationship goes anywhere you have to tell your date the truth eventually. If you have to recant a lie later, it can damage trust between the two of you. Misdirection, on the other hand, is very simple. Instead of saying something like "I don't like to drink" you can tell a story about another addict you know. Perhaps you've seen a family member fall into addiction, too, or you remember the story of a friend from your recovery program. Tell their story, and let your date conclude that you don't drink because of their experience. Although I've never had a problem with addiction (with the exception of the Taco Zone food truck in Los Angeles), I give this kind of explanation when people ask me why I don't do drugs or drink very often. Nobody ever pushes for more information. Your personal secrets will vary, but the concept remains the same. Talk about someone or something else in a way that encourages the listener to assume that story is an answer to their question. While not entirely honest, recounting truthful details won't require telling a lie. Conceal a Friend's Secret
In this situation, lying is as simple as saying "no." The words are easy, but that provides very little information and you'll likely be pressed to lie further. If you choose to misdirect, you can say something that's actually true and change the course of the conversation. For example, "Brian loves Candice." If true, it implies that Brian wouldn't cheat because he loves his wife. It also asks your friend Larry to consider this as a factor which can quickly derail his thought process. Of course, people will see right through your attempt if you aren't convincing in your tone of voice. When you're learning to misdirect effectively, two things can help. First, prefacing your statement with the actual lie (e.g. "No, Brian loves Candice") can help you sound more convincing. Second, preemptively concoct your misdirection attempt. Being prepared will make it easier to remember your tactics so you're not forced to figure them out on the spot. It also helps to have a few alternatives ready. For example, you could say something like "Brian works twelve hour days" (implying he wouldn't have time) or "I just saw them last week and they seemed perfectly happy" (implying that nothing is wrong). While it may sound simplistic, these statements are very effective when you speak them with the confidence of the truth. Preemptively Misdirect
In the case of your former drug problem, instead of telling the story when asked you can simply share that information in conversation before ever going out on a date. When you don't want to drink, your date won't even think to ask why and you'll never be accused of dishonesty because no situation provoking a lie will even occur. That said, it's more difficult to find a way to introduce a story about an alcoholic friend or family member into the conversation, but if you listen for an opening you'll be able to find away. After all, when you get to know people you'll inevitably talk about others in your lives. You Need to PracticeMisdirection isn't an inherent talent. You need to practice if you ever hope to convince anyone of what you're saying. While the level of difficulty rests below lying, misdirection still requires more effort. You still have to think of a few things rather than just remember the truth. You have to present what you say naturally and not like a nervous, guilty person. While misdirection will come easier than flat-out fabrication, it still takes work. You can succeed at lying without lying if you've tried and failed before. All of that said, don't use the benefits of misdirection unless you have a very good reason. Privacy matters, and sometimes you have to go a little south of the truth to keep it, but that doesn't mean you should lie or misdirect maliciously. If you hone your skills, use them responsibly. Misdirection can be an evil trick, but you can use it for the right reasons, too. This post is part of our Evil Week series at Lifehacker, where we look at the dark side of getting things done. Knowing evil means knowing how to beat it, so you can use your sinister powers for good. Want more? Check out our evil week tag page. Photos by Tracy Whiteside (Shutterstock), Gunnar Grimnes, and Robodread (Shutterstock).  |
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