The Onion Weekly Dispatch - September 26, 2012

Wed Sep 26, 2012 www.theonion.com

George W. Bush Returns To America After Spending 4 Years In The Himalayas 09.25.12 JACKSONVILLE, FL—Garbed in unwashed robes and wearing a long, gray, wispy beard, former president George W. It Literally Impossible To State How Unimportant Next 3 Hours Are News in Brief » Neil Armstrong's Wife Glad To Finally Get Rid Of All The Space Hobby Crap Office Cheering On Employee Going For 32-Minute Nonstop Work Streak BREAKING: Friend Who Just Got Motorcycle Already Dead American Voices » Pediatricians: Stop Using Trampolines “Sounds like these doctors just want more trampoline time for themselves.” Obama Tough On Iran At U.N. video » Reporter Steps In To Replace Woman's Missing Husband When the war in Afghanistan leaves a woman without a husband, caring reporter O'Brady Shaw steps in to replace him. opinion » Now That My Campaign Is Over, I'd Like To Talk To You All About The Church Of Latter-Day Saints by Mitt Romney, Republican Nominee For President Of The United States By Mitt Romney Radio News » Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You've long thought of yourself as a left-brain type of person, but the stroke will quickly and dramatically change all that. Most Popular » George W. Bush Returns To America After Spending 4 Years In The Himalayas Neil Armstrong's Wife Glad To Finally Get Rid Of All The Space Hobby Crap Office Cheering On Employee Going For 32-Minute Nonstop Work Streak Steve Young Suffers Concussion Attempting To Explain Final Call In Packers, Seahawks Game Pediatricians: Stop Using Trampolines It Literally Impossible To State How Unimportant Next 3 Hours Are

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