The Onion Weekly Dispatch - August 08, 2012

Wed Aug 08, 2012 www.theonion.com

Pet Eating Like Country Isn't In Goddamn Recession 08.08.12 RICHMOND, IN—Apparently heedless of the dismal fiscal climate, local dog Digby is wolfing down kibble as though the United States isn't limping its way through a goddamn economic crisis, the pet's owners confirmed Thursday. According to reports, the... Foundation Honored For Work With Developmentally Disabled Celebrities News in Brief » Michele Bachmann Thankful No Americans Died In Sikh Shooting NASA Now Almost Positive Mars Is Rocky Nation's Sane People To Nation's Insane People: 'Please Stop Shooting Us' American Voices » Tucson Shooter Switches Plea To 'Guilty' “Oh, who even cares about him anymore? That was so many shootings ago.” Wikipedia Offline After Cables Cut video » GOP Trying To Keep Elderly Voting Base Alive Until November Republicans are reminding seniors to take their blood pressure medication, hoping they won't die before voting on Election Day. opinion » I'm Proud Of All My Songs, Even The Ones I Stole From People I Heard At Open-Mic Nights by Paul Simon By Paul Simon Radio News » God Worried Apocalypse May Not Live Up To Expectations

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Four will be killed, 12 injured, and nearly 50 molested this week after your unconscious escapes. Most Popular » Pet Eating Like Country Isn't In Goddamn Recession Barry Bonds Took Steroids, Reports Everyone Who Has Ever Watched Baseball Michele Bachmann Thankful No Americans Died In Sikh Shooting 'Just Illegalize Us Already,' Nation's Assault Weapons Beg Phelps Drowns Foundation Honored For Work With Developmentally Disabled Celebrities

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