The Onion Daily Dispatch - August 21, 2012

Tue Aug 21, 2012 www.theonion.com

Pregnant Woman Relieved To Learn Her Rape Was Illegitimate 08.20.12 LITCHFIELD, CT—Though she was initially upset following the brutal sexual assault last month that left her pregnant, victim Martha Byars told reporters she was relieved Sunday to learn from Rep. News in Brief » Republicans Condemn Akin's Comments As Blemish On Party's Otherwise Spotless Women's Rights Record American Voices » Congressman: Pregnancy Rarely Results From 'Legitimate Rape' “I’m sure he’s very sorry and what he meant to say was nothing at all.” opinion » I Misspoke—What I Meant To Say Is 'I Am Dumb As Dog Shit And I Am A Terrible Human Being' by Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) By Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) Radio News » Nation's Grandparents Voice Concern Over Reading-Light Levels

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, I'm having a real hard time today, and I just wanted millions of people to know. Thanks. — Bill Daniels, Belmont, MA Most Popular » I Misspoke—What I Meant To Say Is 'I Am Dumb As Dog Shit And I Am A Terrible Human Being' Pregnant Woman Relieved To Learn Her Rape Was Illegitimate Augusta National Admits First 'Woman' Republicans Condemn Akin's Comments As Blemish On Party's Otherwise Spotless Women's Rights Record Parents Don't Remember Enough Colors To Help With Kindergartner's Homework Woman Has Bizarre Ability To Share Details About Personal Life With Parents

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