The Onion Daily Dispatch - May 24, 2012

Thu May 24, 2012 www.theonion.com

Quiet Temp Actually Very Untalented Singer-Songwriter 05.24.12 PITTSBURGH—Having established a reputation among the Flagstone Marketing staff as a quiet and reserved temporary worker, Kevin Bright completely shocked his coworkers this week when it was discovered that, outside the office, the mild-mannered... News in Brief » Memphis Airport Panda Express Takes Over As Nation's Most Depressing Place American Voices » Egypt Holds First Presidential Elections "I just hope they elect to be happy; that's the most important thing of all." opinion » Come On! There Has To Be One Person In This Goddamn School Who's Been Molested by Ted Bartlett, Guidance Counselor By Ted Bartlett, Guidance Counselor Radio News » Nation's Cotton Candy Crop Ravaged By Carnival Weevils

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 No one can argue effectively without the correct set of tools, so make sure you have a hammer in each hand. Most Popular » Quiet Temp Actually Very Untalented Singer-Songwriter Scientists Find Thousands Of Previously Undiscovered Species Cowering In Amazon Rainforest Kennedy Family Releases List Of Tragic Ways Remaining Members Could Die Memphis Airport Panda Express Takes Over As Nation's Most Depressing Place Egypt Holds First Presidential Elections Catholic Orgs Sue Over Birth-Control Rule

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