The Onion Daily Dispatch - April 20, 2012

Fri Apr 20, 2012 www.theonion.com

Wal-Mart Executives Kind Of Weirded Out By Town Not Putting Up Any Resistance To Store Opening 04.20.12 LITTLETON, MA—Staring over a month-old press release announcing the opening of a new Supercenter, senior executives at Wal-Mart said they were a little freaked out that the people of Littleton, MA appear to have made no effort to stop them. ... News in Brief » Area Man Proud He Can Still Fit Into Car From High School American Voices » Norwegian Mass-Murderer Would Prefer Execution “He seems pretty miffed about the whole thing. Better let him have this one.” opinion » Healthy, Nutritious Food Would Have Saved The Titanic by Michelle Obama By Michelle Obama Radio News » Vatican Tightens Nocturnal Emissions Standards

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, I totally got what you guys were saying about each of us having to buck up and be responsible. Thanks. — Dave Turner, Provo, ID Most Popular » Norwegian Mass-Murderer Would Prefer Execution Wal-Mart Executives Kind Of Weirded Out By Town Not Putting Up Any Resistance To Store Opening Depressed Ralph Lauren Releases New Wrinkled Dress Shirt With Marinara Stain On It Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable Due To Facebook Obama Launches More Realistic 'I Have Big Ideas But We'll See How It Goes' Campaign Slogan Dick Clark Dead

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