The Onion Daily Dispatch - April 17, 2012

Tue Apr 17, 2012 www.theonion.com

Human Civilization Brings Out Worst In Area Man 04.17.12 COLUMBUS, OH—Sources close to local resident Justin Krypel admitted to reporters this week that while the 34-year-old account executive was "basically a good guy at heart," human civilization has a tendency to bring out the worst in him.... News in Brief » Christie 2016 Comes From Nowhere To Win Republican Nomination American Voices » 20% Of U.S. Adults Don't Use Internet "Those are probably the same one in five adults who think Obama is an American-born Christian." opinion » Healthy, Nutritious Food Would Have Saved The Titanic by Michelle Obama By Michelle Obama Radio News » Investigators Blame Stupidity For Area Death

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, Due to my increased work schedule, I will no longer have time to write in as much. Accordingly, please publish fewer stories that irritate me. — Ryan Doolittle, Riverside, CA Most Popular » Human Civilization Brings Out Worst In Area Man Trusted Sistine Chapel Janitor Convicted Of Sexually Abusing Last 4 Popes 20% Of U.S. Adults Don't Use Internet Dwight Howard Tells Reporters He's Very Unhappy In Milky Way Galaxy Court: Employers Don't Have To Enforce Lunch Break But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them

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