The Onion Daily Dispatch - April 16, 2012

Mon Apr 16, 2012 www.theonion.com

Trusted Sistine Chapel Janitor Convicted Of Sexually Abusing Last 4 Popes 04.16.12 VATICAN CITY—Bringing to a close a scandal that has rocked the Roman Catholic Church and upset millions of its followers, trusted Sistine Chapel janitor Giuseppe Falduto, 78, was convicted Thursday of sexually abusing four popes between 1965 and 201... News in Brief » Christie 2016 Comes From Nowhere To Win Republican Nomination American Voices » Court: Employers Don't Have To Enforce Lunch Break "Not in my store. I look over my employees with an eagle eye to make sure they're resting." opinion » Healthy, Nutritious Food Would Have Saved The Titanic by Michelle Obama By Michelle Obama Radio News » Pony Lent To Dying Girl

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, Due to my increased work schedule, I will no longer have time to write in as much. Accordingly, please publish fewer stories that irritate me. — Ryan Doolittle, Riverside, CA Most Popular » Trusted Sistine Chapel Janitor Convicted Of Sexually Abusing Last 4 Popes Difficult To Tell If T.J. Maxx Hit Hard By Recession But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them Owls Are Assholes Newark Mayor Rescues Neighbor From Fire Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Philadelphia Flyers

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