The Onion Daily Dispatch - April 04, 2012

Wed Apr 04, 2012 www.theonion.com

Study: Dolphins Not So Intelligent On Land 02.15.06 GAINESVILLE, FL—Despite theories that dolphins are excellent communicators, they responded to questions on land with only labored wheezing and shrill, distressed screams. News in Brief » Florida Police Warn Public Against Taking Law Into Own Hands Unless It’s That Law Specifically Designed For You To Do That American Voices » Republicans Lose Ground With Women "Looks like they'll be handing out lots of chocolates and rose bouquets come fall." opinion » I'd Be Happy To Help With Any Herding… by A Border Collie By A Border Collie Radio News » New Gas Bill Designed By Some Kind Of Freaking Maniac

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 This is a good time to make big moves at work, as you'll show up Monday to find all the furniture's gone and everyone has relocated to a new office somewhere outside Gary, IN. Most Popular » Study: Dolphins Not So Intelligent On Land Flying Car A Reality Florida Police Warn Public Against Taking Law Into Own Hands Unless It’s That Law Specifically Designed For You To Do That Romney To Travel Back In Time To Kill Liberal Versions Of Himself Man With Nice Eyes Blown Republicans Lose Ground With Women

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