The Onion Daily Dispatch - April 02, 2012

Mon Apr 02, 2012 www.theonion.com

Jets Worry Tim Tebow Will Be Distracted By Wild New York Churchlife 04.01.12 NEW YORK—Despite an obvious display of enthusiasm for Tim Tebow's arrival at his introductory press conference Monday, the New York Jets admitted this week to concerns he may become distracted by the city's wild churchlife. News in Brief » Apartment Returns To Pre-Houseguest Level Of Tension American Voices » Lottery Reaches Record Jackpot “Oh man, I’ve got $720 million in AmEx debt I’d love to pay down a little.” opinion » I'd Be Happy To Help With Any Herding… by A Border Collie By A Border Collie Radio News » Rapidly Swelling Man May Contain Traces Of Peanuts

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 This is a good time to make big moves at work, as you'll show up Monday to find all the furniture's gone and everyone has relocated to a new office somewhere outside Gary, IN. Most Popular » Romney To Travel Back In Time To Kill Liberal Versions Of Himself I'd Be Happy To Help With Any Herding… Jets Worry Tim Tebow Will Be Distracted By Wild New York Churchlife McDonald's Stock Slides As More Consumers Turn To Food Report: Majority Of Instances Of People Getting Lives Back On Track Occur Immediately After Visit To Buffalo Wild Wings Man With Nice Eyes Blown

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