The Onion Weekly Dispatch - March 07, 2012

Wed Mar 07, 2012 www.theonion.com

This Article Generating Thousands Of Dollars In Ad Revenue Simply By Mentioning New iPad 03.07.12 SAN FRANCISCO—According to industry sources, this news article is generating a veritable bonanza of highly lucrative advertising revenue by mere virtue of the fact that it mentions Apple's new iPad. All Of Nation's Resources Dumped Into 50 Children Who Are Actually The Future News in Brief » Chris Kattan Wondering Whether He Should Start A Podcast Media Reminds Public Not To Overemphasize Super Tuesday Results Or Draw Any Sort Of Wide-Reaching Conclusions Poll: 63% Of Americans Say They Have A Problem With A Mormon President Who Is Also Mitt Romney American Voices » Court Rules Loughner Can Be Forcibly Medicated "Why would you put him on medication? He seems happy the way he is." ‘Lorax’ No. 1 video » Police: Kidnapped MoveOn.org Staffer's "Please Help" Emails Went Completely Ignored Over months in captivity, kidnapping victim Kat Barr sent hundreds of emails to her MoveOn mailing list only to have them immediately deleted by the recipients without being read. opinion » I’m Getting Bitten By The Oscar Bug…AGAIN! by Jackie Harvey For some people, March Madness begins in March, and it’s tied to college basketball, but not me! Radio News » Guy From Pringles Ad Convicted Of Murder On 'Law And Order'

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 The sudden premature arrival of your baby can still be a cause for joy, despite the fact that you were completely unaware you were pregnant, female, or had ever had sex. Most Popular » This Article Generating Thousands Of Dollars In Ad Revenue Simply By Mentioning New iPad Police: Kidnapped MoveOn.org Staffer's "Please Help" Emails Went Completely Ignored Voters Slowly Realizing Santorum Believes Every Deranged Word That Comes Out Of His Mouth All Of Nation's Resources Dumped Into 50 Children Who Are Actually The Future Chris Kattan Wondering Whether He Should Start A Podcast Vatican Dispatches Elite Team Of Bishops To Sabotage Contraceptive Manufacturer

If you do not want to receive anymore emails from us, please click the following link unsubscribe. To unsubscribe via postal mail please send your request to: 536 Broadway New York NY, 10012 Please include the email address at which you have been contacted. All of our emails are sent from the domain http://www.theonion.com.