The Onion Daily Dispatch - March 15, 2012

Thu Mar 15, 2012 www.theonion.com

Supreme Court Justices Drowsily Bid One Another Good Night While Drifting Off To Sleep In Giant Shared Bed 03.15.12 WASHINGTON—As night settled over the nation’s capital Wednesday and a bright, full moon hung amid the twinkling stars and cast long shadows over the National Mall, all nine Supreme Court justices could be overheard drowsily bidding one another... News in Brief » Area Man Secretly Tired Of Exposing His Big Belly For Friends To Slap, Yet Knows No Other Way American Voices » Justice Department Rejects Texas Voter ID Law "This law seems redundant, anyway. Can't Texans see for themselves without photo IDs which individuals are minorities who should be intimidated from going to the polls?" opinion » The Tree Of Liberty Must Be Refreshed With The Blood Of Air Show Pilots by Kenneth Karns For more than two centuries, the United States of America has stood as a shining beacon to people the world over. Radio News » Dog Experiences Best Day Of His Life For 400th Straight Day

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Not only will romance, adventure, and thrills refuse to come to you, they will also refuse to come to theaters near you. Most Popular » Supreme Court Justices Drowsily Bid One Another Good Night While Drifting Off To Sleep In Giant Shared Bed Dog Experiences Best Day Of His Life For 400th Straight Day Succession Of Terrible Events Fails To Befall 33-Year-Old Riding Longboard To Digital Media Job Alien World To Help Out Syria Since This One Refuses To Rick Santorum Relieved No One Has Asked Him About Interracial Marriage Yet Romney, Santorum Supporters To Beat Living Shit Out Of Each Other At Montana Primary

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