The Onion Daily Dispatch - February 22, 2012

Wed Feb 22, 2012 www.theonion.com

Nation Trying, Okay? 02.22.12 NEW YORK—Pushed to the breaking point after constantly being taken to task for its shortcomings without ever hearing so much as a word of thanks for everything it does around here, an overwhelmed and infuriated nation announced Wednesday that it was... News in Brief » Woman In Ninth Year Of Letting Boyfriend Down Easy American Voices » Fruit Flies Seek Out Alcohol “That’s fine, as long as they’re not flying anywhere for awhile.” opinion » I’m Getting Bitten By The Oscar Bug…AGAIN! by Jackie Harvey For some people, March Madness begins in March, and it’s tied to college basketball, but not me! Radio News » Crush Lasts Nearly Entire Bus Ride

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you. Most Popular » Nation Trying, Okay? Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct Disturbed Beltway Sources Report Congress Eerily Cooperative Today Crush Lasts Nearly Entire Bus Ride Man And Woman Get Drunk, Blow $30,000 In One Night

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