April 30th, 2012Top StoryMy War: A Girls RecapBy John Cook
The only opinion on Episode Three of Girls that really matters is that of Henry Rollins, who wrote sang of the show in 1981:
We open with Brian Williams' daughter talking to her boyfriend, who has shaved his head in solidarity with a co-worker suffering from cancer which is such a pussy move because this dude is just a pussy with a vagina just like a girl, Brian Williams' daughter telegraphs facially. Laurie Simmons' daughter dresses up like an 11-year-old hooker to go have sex with her woodworking actor, who is ravenous and manly and has pectoral muscles. The next morning, Laurie Simmons' daughter gets a call from her gynecologist informing her that, like 50% of sexually active adults, she has contracted genital human papillomavirus. She accuses the woodworking actor of giving it to her. "Hold your roll!" he says. She holds it. Someone says, "Oh yeah, have fun. Go Tweet that." Laurie Simmons' daughter calls Brian Williams' daughter to tell her the terrible news about contracting the most commonly sexually transmitted virus on the planet. "I kind of can't believe that I'm saying this, but I have HPV, so." Brian Williams' daughter cries. What if Laurie Simmons' daughter becomes barren on account of having contracted the most commonly sexually transmitted virus on the planet? It's all so unfair that Laurie Simmons' daughter, of all people, would contract a disease that one out of every two sexually active human beings will contract at some point in their lives. Meanwhile, the Drummer from Bad Company's daughter has a babysitting gig. She is looking after the daughters of a documentary filmmaker. They are named Beatrix and Lola. Lola has written a novel about poverty, death, and AA. OK HERE WE GO KIDS. Brian Williams' daughter goes to an art party. She meets an artist. His name is Boothe Jonathan. Boothe Jonathan is small and dresses like one of the Small Faces circa 1965. But he is a man! Brian Williams' daughter uptightly tells him not to smoke, because that's just how uptight she is. Boothe Jonathan says—and I want to be perfectly clear here that this is a direct and 100% accurate quote from the television program Girls on HBO—"I want you to know, the first time I fuck you, I might scare you a little, because I'm a man. And I know how to do things." Then Boothe Jonathan walks away. BOOM. Skrillex. And this is the part where Brian Williams' daughter, a character in a "sly," "brave," and "radical" television program on HBO called Girls, slyly bravely radically runs to the nearest bathroom to fingerbang herself while grabbing her stomach and making a face like she has to poop. In the bathroom of an art party. Because some guy just told her that he was going to fuck her until it scared her. By us, for us. So that's all you really need to know about Episode Three of Girls. There is an amusing scene where Laurie Simmons' daughter confronts her college boyfriend about giving her HPV, only to find out that he is gay, and goes through an increasingly humiliating and hostile debriefing about the truth of their relationship until he ends the conversation by saying "It was nice to see you. Your dad is gay." But then Laurie Simmons' daughter sits down to DRAMATICALLY WRITE SOMETHING ON TWITTER and dances to that fucking Robyn song by herself until a freshly self-fingerbanged Brian Williams' daughter comes home and they say "Yo girl!" to each other, urbanly, and dance together, just two girls making their way in the big city. Watch this space for next week's recap of Girls. Last week's Girls recap: 'I Don't Want A Baby That Looks Like That' Image by Jim Cooke | From Our SponsorTop Stories
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Monday, April 30, 2012
My War: A Girls Recap
What Your Pronouns Say About You (and Power)
April 30th, 2012Top StoryWhat Your Pronouns Say About You (and Power)
So what do pronouns tell us about our love lives? Well, it's all about how we subconsciously mimic the way other people speak when we're interested in them. Pennebaker and his team recorded and transcribed hundreds of speed date conversations, then fed those interactions into a "Linguistic Inquiry and Word Count" program along with information about how people thought their dates went. He told NPR that humans automatically use language in the same way when they're into each other:
Whenever I spend a lot of time around someone — boyfriend, platonic friend, whomever — I can't help mimicking their cadence and picking up their slang, and I've always been really self-conscious about it; am I not fully-formed enough to retain my own manner of speaking? But now I know I'm just really into them! But even more interesting to me is Pennebaker's research on power dynamics — he thinks it's possible to tell who has a higher social status or holds the power in any situation based on who uses the word "I" more often. You'd think it would be the person who thinks he's more important, but it turns out it's actually the person who feels more insecure. When we're fixated on how we're coming across, our language reflects our self-consciousness. Pennebaker said he was shocked when he realized that even he acts differently depending on who he's talking to; for example, here's how he corresponded with a young student:
Note how many times she uses "I" or "me," as opposed to Pennebaker:
Now look at his emails back and forth with a "famous professor":
Now he's the one talking about himself! And here's the professor's response:
There are some fun tools on Pennebaker's website, like a service that analyzes your tweets — apparently, I'm very upbeat but also very worried, and luckily "average" when it comes to "Spacy/Valley girl" — and an exercise where you can copy/paste emails or chats and get a Language Style Matching (LSM) score — the more that the two people are paying attention to each other in their interaction, the higher the LSM. (Remember "Love Calculator"? It's totally like that, but mature.) First, I put in an email exchange I had with a younger girl who asked me about going into journalism after she graduated. We scored a .74, which is below average — most LSM scores range between .75 and .95, with an average around .84. Next, I entered in a Gchat conversation I had with my best friend; we scored an .89, which is above average. The other day my friend told me she thinks that people who say they're not good at remembering names are so concerned with how they come off in social situations that they fail to pay attention to their surroundings. I'm horrible at name recall, and this article futher convinced me that it's probably because I think too much about myself when I meet someone for the first time. Pennebaker doesn't think we can use his research to change ourselves — "The words reflect who we are more than drive who we are," he told NPR — and I would feel like a wannabe pickup artist if I started constantly mimicking other people, but I doubt I'll ever write a professional email again without thinking about how much I use the word "I," and I feel like I might pay more attention to the way I talk about myself when I'm meeting people for the first time. Wait, I just said "I" like fifteen times. Okay, starting now! To Predict Dating Success, The Secret's In The Pronouns [NPR] Image via olly/Shutterstock. | From Our SponsorTop Stories
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Top 10 Albums Every Self-Respecting Science Fiction Fan Should Own
April 30th, 2012Top StoryTop 10 Albums Every Self-Respecting Science Fiction Fan Should Own
Over the past week, we've counted down the 100 albums that every science fiction and fantasy fan should listen to. And now, here it is: the top 10 albums that genre lovers should already adore. Click to view 10. Daft Punk - Discovery (2001) Click to view 9. Vangelis - Albedo 0.39 (1976) Click to view 8. Radiohead - OK Computer (1997) Click to view 7. Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon (1973) Click to view 6. Kraftwerk - The Man-Machine (1978) Click to view 5. Parliament - Mothership Connection (1975) Click to view 4. Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of the War of the Worlds (1978) Click to view 3. Rush — 2112 (1976) Click to view 2. Janelle Monae - the ArchAndroid (2010) Click to view 1. David Bowie — The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars (1972) Further reading: |
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