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Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Onion Daily Dispatch - August 18, 2011

Thu Aug 18, 2011

www.theonion.com

News in Brief »
Study: 96 Percent Of Humans Would Rather Be Animatronic Bear 08.18.11 CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—The University of Virginia published the results of an extensive 18-month study Wednesday revealing that 96 percent of human beings across the planet would strongly prefer to be a singing, dancing animatronic bear. The UVA resear...

Report: Apocalypse Actually Happened 3 Years Ago

American Voices »
	1 In 3 Twentysomethings Have Faked Calls “What I really hate is when they try to fool you by pretending their hand is a phone.”

opinion »
	Somebody's Got to Save This Country From Certain Doom, And Let's Face It, That Person Is Me by Michele Bachmann Congresswoman Our country faces a moment of extreme crisis. We stand at the verge of an utter breakdown of our economy, our government, and our way of life.

Radio News »
	U.N. Factoid Finding Mission Discovers Liberia About The Size Of Tennessee

featured section: »

Horoscope »
	Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Your life will soon cross the line from comedy to tragedy, sending an entirely different group of people into gales of laughter.

Most Popular »
Study: 96 Percent Of Humans Would Rather Be Animatronic Bear Somebody's Got to Save This Country From Certain Doom, And Let's Face It, That Person Is Me Visa Exposed As Massive Credit Card Scam Report: Apocalypse Actually Happened 3 Years Ago Nation's Students To Give American Education System Yet Another Chance FCC Investigates BART Mobile Shutdown

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What Happens To Stocks If Profits Don't Collapse?

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Thursday, August 18, 2011


	What Happens To Stocks If Profits Don't Collapse? The market is behaving as if a severe recession is in the offing. But what if it isn't? What if this is all about a European panic that can be solved? Citigroup has looked at what stocks typically do after a 20% correction that don't see a subsequent earnings collapse. Basically, stocks will rise, by at least 20% on average, over the coming 12 months. It could even be as high as a 40% gain. Again, this is assuming the economy doesn't collapse. The latest data out today is not reassuring. Read »

	Also On Money Game Today:
	New Study Demolishes One Of The Myths Of Buy-And-Hold Investing Tensions Explode On CNBC, As Simon Hobbs Tells Cramer: "You Told People To Buy Bear Stearns!" Behind the Scenes, German Politics Is Fracturing Over Euro-Bonds Simon Johnson: This Could Be The '70s All Over Again... The 1870s!