Teenage Girl Blossoming Into Beautiful Object - January 29, 2013

Tue Jan 29, 2013 www.theonion.com

Teenage Girl Blossoming Into Beautiful Object 01.29.13 ARLINGTON, TX—Calling the transformation both delightful and stunning, friends and family members confirmed Tuesday that 17-year-old Ashley Parker was blossoming into an absolutely gorgeous object. According to Parker’s relatives, in the span ... News in Brief » Pregnant Jessica Simpson Pulls Out Fetus For Photo Op American Voices » Iran Claims It Launched Monkey Into Space “I’m concerned that this is only a prelude to Iran launching monkeys at Israel.” opinion » Ask A Boyfriend Who Just Might Dig Himself Out Of Trouble If He Plays This Perfectly by Evan Burgess By Evan Burgess Radio News » Area Bassist Fellated

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, By the time I read any one of your articles, those events have already happened. What gives? — Annette Brewer, Perrysburg, OH Most Popular »

If you do not want to receive anymore emails from us, please click the following link unsubscribe. To unsubscribe via postal mail please send your request to: 536 Broadway New York NY, 10012 Please include the email address at which you have been contacted. All of our emails are sent from the domain http://www.theonion.com.