The Onion Weekly Dispatch - September 05, 2012

Wed Sep 05, 2012 www.theonion.com

DNC Lacking Same Delusional Magic It Had In 2008 09.04.12 CHARLOTTE, NC—With the 2012 Democratic National Convention now under way in Charlotte, Beltway observers are reporting that the mood inside the Time Warner Cable Arena remains spirited and optimistic, despite a noticeable lack of the delusional, com... Americans Take Day Off From Looking For Work News in Brief » DNC Keynote Speaker Definitely Not Keynote Speaker Only Because He's Latino Nation Tired Of Having To Skim Past Headlines About Apple, Samsung Lawsuit Sun Myung Moon Funeral To Be All Weird, Sources Report American Voices » Scientists Able To Restore Sense Of Smell? “Imagine a patient being able to smell their family for the first time.” Democratic National Convention Opens video » What Is Your Amateur Porn Telling Employers About You? The First Responders discuss how to keep the amateur porn you make from affecting your job search. opinion » Good Evening, It's An Honor To Be Used As A Political Prop By My Husband's Campaign by Michelle Obama, First Lady Of The United States By Michelle Obama Radio News » Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 All of your questions will soon be answered, including what's that noise, who turned off all the lights, and why—why won't it stop feeding on us? Most Popular » Good Evening, It's An Honor To Be Used As A Political Prop By My Husband's Campaign DNC Lacking Same Delusional Magic It Had In 2008 Joe Biden Hitchhikes To Democratic National Convention DNC Keynote Speaker Definitely Not Keynote Speaker Only Because He's Latino Jovial Man Must Not Be Aware He Works At Airport Burrito Restaurant Romney Privately Wondering How In The Name Of Fuck He’s Going To Appeal To Asian Voters

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