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Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The Onion Daily Dispatch - August 07, 2012

The Onion

Michele Bachmann Thankful No Americans Died In Sikh Shooting 08.06.12

WASHINGTON—In response to the shooting death of six Sikh worshippers at a temple in Oak Creek, WI yesterday, Rep.

News in Brief »

NASA Now Almost Positive Mars Is Rocky

American Voices »

Mars Rover Lands Safely

“Yeah, if by ‘safely’ you mean it will never again return home to see the scientists who made it. Poor Mars rover.”

opinion »

I'm Proud Of All My Songs, Even The Ones I Stole From People I Heard At Open-Mic Nights

by Paul Simon

By Paul Simon

Radio News »

Knife Fight Rope-A-Dope Strategy Immediately Regretted

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