The Onion Daily Dispatch - May 04, 2012

Fri May 04, 2012 www.theonion.com

Jacksonville 3rd-Round Pick Punter Bryan Anger: 'I Will Punt The Jaguars To Greatness' 05.04.12 NEW YORK—Mere moments after becoming the highest-selected punter in the NFL Draft since 1995, Bryan Anger took the opportunity to thank the Jaguars and announce that he would do all he could to help punt the team to greatness. "This is, without... News in Brief » Longtime Teacher Retires Without Changing A Single Student's Life American Voices » 'The Scream' Sells For $119.9 Million "Yeah, way to trumpet to the world that you’re a total cat-burglar failure." opinion » As Long As My Child Does Something That Makes Him Happy And Wins The National Book Critics Circle Award For Fiction, I’ll Be Proud by Gregory MacIntyre By Gregory MacIntyre Radio News » Mosquito's Life Cut Short

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, Yay! I finally found your mailing address! — Lenora Williams, Stanford, CT Most Popular »

If you do not want to receive anymore emails from us, please click the following link unsubscribe. To unsubscribe via postal mail please send your request to: 536 Broadway New York NY, 10012 Please include the email address at which you have been contacted. All of our emails are sent from the domain http://www.theonion.com.