The Onion Weekly Dispatch - April 18, 2012

Wed Apr 18, 2012 www.theonion.com

Obama Launches More Realistic 'I Have Big Ideas But We'll See How It Goes' Campaign Slogan 04.18.12 CHICAGO—After coming to terms with the limited scope of what he can realistically expect to accomplish as president, Barack Obama announced Wednesday a new, more practical campaign slogan that will serve as the cornerstone for his 2012 reelection bi... Human Civilization Brings Out Worst In Area Man News in Brief » Christie 2016 Comes From Nowhere To Win Republican Nomination Gingrich Urges Romney To Drop Out So He Can Focus On General Election Sweeping New Labor Reforms Allow Foxconn Employees To Work In Inhumane Conditions From Home American Voices » Warren Buffett Being Treated For Cancer "Sheesh, with all that money, you’d think he’d just have his head grafted onto the body of some poor kid with a shiny new prostate." Retail Sales Rise video » Four American Troops Tragically Killed Along With 23 Afghanis Autistic reporter Michael Falk reports it is bad that four U.S. soldiers died but it is good that nearly two dozen Taliban soldiers died. opinion » Healthy, Nutritious Food Would Have Saved The Titanic by Michelle Obama By Michelle Obama Radio News » Archaeologists Report Recently Uncovered Tomb Sure Smells Like Mummies

featured section: » Letters To The Editor » Dear The Onion, I totally got what you guys were saying about each of us having to buck up and be responsible. Thanks. — Dave Turner, Provo, ID Most Popular » Obama Launches More Realistic 'I Have Big Ideas But We'll See How It Goes' Campaign Slogan Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable Due To Facebook Warren Buffett Being Treated For Cancer Human Civilization Brings Out Worst In Area Man Rest Of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving Four American Troops Tragically Killed Along With 23 Afghanis

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