The Onion Daily Dispatch - April 11, 2012

Wed Apr 11, 2012 www.theonion.com

U.N. Acquires Nuclear Weapon 01.13.09 NEW YORK—"Tremble before the might of this cooperative assembly of appointed representatives," said Ban Ki-moon, clutching a stack of diplomatic resolutions. News in Brief » Gingrich Urges Romney To Drop Out So He Can Focus On General Election American Voices » Sony Loses $6.4 Billion "As soon as an electronics company invents a shower radio that can tune in 90.3, they'll get a sale out of me." opinion » I'd Be Happy To Help With Any Herding… by A Border Collie By A Border Collie Radio News » Vatican Gives Popular Jesus Character Whole New Look

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 This is a good time to make big moves at work, as you'll show up Monday to find all the furniture's gone and everyone has relocated to a new office somewhere outside Gary, IN. Most Popular » But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them U.N. Acquires Nuclear Weapon Gingrich Urges Romney To Drop Out So He Can Focus On General Election Vatican Gives Popular Jesus Character Whole New Look Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids Sony Loses $6.4 Billion

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