The Onion Daily Dispatch - March 20, 2012

Tue Mar 20, 2012 www.theonion.com

Broncos Calling Teams To See If They Need Anyone Who Can't Play Quarterback 03.19.12 News in Brief » Ray-Ban A Little Unsure Public Can Pull Off 2012 Series Of Sunglasses American Voices » Delta Highest In Pet Deaths "Delta should take the initiative and advertise how great their air filters are at removing so much of the dead pet smell." opinion » The Tree Of Liberty Must Be Refreshed With The Blood Of Air Show Pilots by Kenneth Karns For more than two centuries, the United States of America has stood as a shining beacon to people the world over. Radio News » Area Mom Freaking Out For No Reason Again

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Not only will romance, adventure, and thrills refuse to come to you, they will also refuse to come to theaters near you. Most Popular » Open-Minded Man Grimly Realizes How Much Life He's Wasted Listening To Bullshit Delta Highest In Pet Deaths Broncos Calling Teams To See If They Need Anyone Who Can't Play Quarterback Area Mom Freaking Out For No Reason Again Sale Of BET To White Supremacist Group Results In No Changes To Programming Joad Cressbeckler Denies He Incited Mob To Drag Congressman Through Briar Patch

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