The Onion Daily Dispatch - February 20, 2012

Mon Feb 20, 2012 www.theonion.com

Suspicious-Looking Duffel Bag Spotted On Magic Bench Just Glen Davis 02.19.12 ORLANDO—The Orlando Magic were forced to evacuate the Amway Center prior to their game against Milwaukee Friday after team officials called security to investigate a large, suspicious duffel bag that turned out to be forward Glen Davis. News in Brief » Smug New Mom Going To Start A Blog American Voices » FCC Blocks GPS-Jamming Broadband “This is just like the federal government, always sticking its nose in areas it's mandated by law to regulate.” opinion » So, How Was Afghanistan? by Debbie Creffler Welcome back! Wow, I almost didn't recognize you. How long has it been? It seems like forever since you left for Afghanistan. Radio News » Local Child Amuses Café Patrons—But For How Long?

featured section: » Horoscope » Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Your health continues to decline as your skin becomes too sensitive to endure sunlight and your soul remains too sensitive to endure dark, smoky bars. Most Popular » Report: Presidents Washington Through Bush May Have Lied About Key Matters Boy Loses Leg In Totally Awesome Shark Attack Obama Urges Citizens To Hide Evidence Of Our Formerly Prosperous Lives From Nation's Young Children New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital Knicks Doctors Continue Carefully Reinjuring Carmelo Anthony's Groin

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